CSI: Miami
Wet Foot/Dry Foot

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Take A Bite Out Of Crime

Commercial time -- and I still cannot escape NYPD Blue alumni as Amy Brenneman and her hair flounce across the screen. St. Jude, please make the hurting stop!

But the patron saint of lost causes evidently has better things to do, because we're now back at the episode. After giving us a close-up of the shark's bloody maw, we see Alexx standing and peering at it nose-to-nose. She straightens up, sashays past Horatio, and cracks, "I think we're going to need a bigger body bag." Heh -- nice Jaws shout-out. Horatio says, "If anyone can find one, it's you, Alexx." Maybe she can also find another outfit -- although her embroidered waistcoat is lovely, it's also white, and that doesn't strike me as eminently practical when one's job requires one to wallow in gore all day. Anyway, Alexx pivots over to the other side of the shark, slaps a flank (which would hurt, or at least shred her latex gloves, since sharks have notoriously abrasive skin), and says with no small amount of satisfaction, "Okay, fellows, you can bag him. My shark now." Horatio announces to nobody in particular, "I'm off to ruin the captain's day," and I snarl at the screen, "You're not content with ruining mine?"

Speaking of ruinous things on screen, in what will become a trend during this episode, Megan's subverting Horatio's authority and ruining the captain's day herself: "Everything is nautical [beat], I get it. What I want to know is [beat] did you mark the catch?" The captain's all, "Ten foot tiger shark? You bet your ass." Horatio then pops in to ruin the guy's day by telling him that the shark is now the property of the Miami/Dade crime lab. But wait -- there's more! Horatio notices the GPS system Cap'n Ron has on his boat, and Cap'n Ron answers, "I got precise positioning, if that's what you're asking." Megan asks, "'Precise positioning' -- how'd you get that? From the government?" Cap'n Ron tells Megan he has friends in low places. Horatio's thrilled about this. Cap'n Ron continues, pointing out the 170 miles total distance between Miami, the Grand Bahamas and Cuba. "We hooked in [fourteen miles offshore]." We learn that said hooking in occurred at 8:30 in the morning, and Megan tells us that she used to shark fish all the time (boo! hiss!) and she never went out during the day. Well, if you want to decimate a species, it sometimes helps to make a venti latte stop first, Megan. Cap'n Ron explains that the late start was due to a squall line pushing through, so he could neither chum (throw out the bloody bait) nor lay lines (depending on the scale, either laying out long lines with baited hooks, or simply laying the line as it unspools from the rod). Horatio decides to reward Cap'n Ron by taking his nautical maps. Cap'n Ron protests that the team has already taken the shark, and now the map, so what's next. Horatio answers, "There's a school of adorable dolphins nuzzling their young with sentient compassion off the Keys. Go, man, go! Get 'em before the sun rises too high!" Right. What Horatio really says is, "You get a pass on your illegal GPS unit."

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CSI: Miami

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