Let's reset again. Candace reveals that everyone went back to the RV because Deluca was "hammered and horny." And smooth, if his opening line is anything to go by: "Who gets the first ride? Ha ha ha ha!" Candace is shocked sober at the prospect of taking the anti-joy ride. Do not weep, maiden, for booze is kind / Because your lover got you hammered/ in an RV / and your three colleagues are now drawing straws / Do not weep. / Booze is kind.
Cris climbs over to him and Deluca is apparently not too drunk to snap, "If I wanted someone your age, I'd do my wife. Ha ha ha ha ha!" He then pushes Cris down before she snaps back, "And if you wife wanted unspectacular copulation, she'd do you." Dana and Lane promptly attach themselves to Deluca with the foolhardy brio of women who are still under the impression that they'll remain young and immortal. Candice comforts Cris, then slips out before Deluca can woo her by pointing out any personal flaws. Candice tells the guys that Deluca didn't even want to touch Cris; this baffles them, what with the sperm and the condom evidence. Candice points out that when she left, Dana and Lane were keeping God's Gift to Masochists busy and Cris was locked in the bathroom.
Cut to Deluca whining, "You want my prints? My DNA? Come on, guys -- I'm on vacation here." "Oh, our bad. We forgot how the Fourth Amendment protects your right not to be hassled on vacation," Warrick apologizes. Deluca protests that "my DNA is going to be all over that girl, but I didn't put it on her. She did. This broad was expiring like spoiled milk, and she was looking for a way out." Her way out: doing a little impromptu artificial insemination. Deluca admits that he reacted to this unorthodox attempt to jump-start the miracle of life by slapping Cris around a little. Vartann figures that it's also a swell reason to consider someone a murder suspect. Deluca points out, "If I killed her, do you think I'd have put her in my own motor coach? And then present it at an unveiling ceremony that I was announcing?" Vartann and Warrick exchange looks like, Crap. He has a point.