CSI
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Fantastic Four

Apparently, the first thing Lawrence and Vern did was go into a flashback, where Vern was whimpering to Lawrence, "It hurts for reals, dawg." Lawrence plays Clara Barton and ties on a bandanna with the tender admonition, "Stop being such a little baby." Vern decides, "I need some medicine, and I ain't talkin' about going to no hospital either." Fortunately for him, Walgreen's is open 24 hours, and it doesn't ask questions. Lawrence decides that gosh darn it, before the night is over, he will have broken the social contract in some form!

Back in the present, Lawrence says, "Vern just bitched out. Wanted to forget it ever happened. Not me." Gil says slowly, "So you stole the Hummer...for revenge?"

Cut to the Bickersons, arguing about whether or not he should have gotten directions. No wonder they're so cranky -- their life lacks anything above the clichéd. Anyway, Lawrence gets the Bickersons out of the car by dint of sheer lung power alone, and we see the Hummer heading the wrong way down a one-way street so he can, presumably, strike down the taco master where he stands. Unfortunately for him, he is going down a one-way street, and so runs into opposing traffic from the Fiero. Pontiac wasn't lying about building excitement, were they?

Back in the present, Brass asks, "Let me get this straight. An old man refuses to let you steal his money, so you jacked a Hummer to try and run over his taco stand." Lawrence realizes for the first time that sometimes, if a plan sounds really stupid when spoken aloud, it actually is stupid. He says in a small voice, "Maybe." Gil raises an eyebrow, then tells Brass in a choked tone, "I think this is the dumbest thing we've ever heard." Gil looks like being so close to something so stupid is paining him. It's the best line reading EVER.

And now, Vegas is bright! Shiny! Lights moving! Things rewinding! And now Gil is reverse-brooding! As Sara and Liam go reverse-walking through the Labitrail! And we zoom away from Las Vegas! The Hummer goes backwards! Night becomes day! It's all very exciting and nonlinear.

And now we're at a car show. It's filled with shiny cars and shinier women, and the schlubs who love them. People are gathering as someone extols the virtues of a mobile home: "It's a ski lodge, a beach house, a state-of-the-art virtual office. Your home on the road." Curiously enough, he's neglecting to mention what kind of gas mileage these things get. Is that not a selling point? Anyway, Deluca Motor Coaches is proud to present an interior cutaway of the G-4700, and that's when we find out that in addition to being a ski lodge, a beach house, and state-of-the-art virtual office, this thing also makes an excellent crime scene.

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CSI

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