CSI
Fur And Loathing

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Aaron: B- | Grade It Now!
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Yiff-A-Dee Doo-Dah

To get to the other plot, of course. Nick and Sara are standing in giant freezer, staring down at a young man whose corpse is actually frozen to the floor. Nick notes shotgun spatter on the shelves behind him, and then Sarah shivers a bit and complains about the cold. Me? I like the cold. I always enjoy it when they remember to have a plot-based reason for busting out the blue filters. Outside the freezer, Petey the security guard is being interrogated in front of a row of smashed-up vending machines. And yes, it is "Petey" and not "Tweety." He even spells it for us. Although given what happens in the rest of the episode, you can be forgiven for possibly mishearing. Random Cop # Cinco de Mayo reports that the perps got away with about $600 in change, and Nick is astonished that anyone would be willing to commit murder over a vending machine. Oh, I don't know about that. There's a vending machine at my office that sells microwaveable Veal Parmesan. And frankly, if I ever saw anyone actually buying the stuff, I'd probably kill them where they stood. Trust me. I'd be doing them a favor. Sara asks Petey was he was up to when the shooting went down, and Petey does a highly unconvincing job of claiming he was in his guard shack. Then Nicky takes over, and makes excellent use of both canny reasoning and his vast knowledge of fast food preparation times to coax Petey into admitting that he was really out picking up a "double-double, animal-style" at the local In-and-Out Burger.

Now I know everyone was really impressed with Nicky's Rico Suave interrogational skills in this scene, but being the mindless pop-culture sponge that I am, I still can't help but notice that he's basically just recycling Joe Pesci's infamous grits bit from My Cousin Vinny. You know, because no self-respecting Vegasian would ever get non-grilled onions on their double-double animal-style. And unless the laws of physics cease to exist at In-and-Out Burger (which shouldn't be discounted, as I have tasted their food), that means Petey must have been off-site for at least half an hour. "Look, if my boss finds out I'm leaving the site every night to get my burger on," moans Petey, "I'm toast." "You keep lying to us," replies Cinco de Mayo, "you'll be toast in a jumpsuit." Mmm, toast. I love toast. Petey does a passable job of portraying the "ih-oh, I've watched Oz, and I really don't want to be a prag" face, and then immediately gives up the real story. It seems some day-shift dude named George showed up to talk to the dead guy (one Al Sesto, an employee on the night shift). Petey sent George back to the freezer, and then went off to chow down on his double-double animal-style gritsburger. Oh, and George's car is still in the lot. That'll be important later. The cop escorts Petey away, leaving Sara to opine that "unless he was slick, the guy who did this definitely left behind a print. And frankly, nothing about this looks slick." Except the fancy lens filters, of course.

Back at the morgue, Gil and Catherine meet up with EB David. He gives the bullet on Sherri Lewis (Name: Linda Jones. Age: 35. Cause of death: Blunt force trauma), and with the boring victim thus disposed of, all attention turns to the corpse of Rocky Raccoon, which is laid out on a nearby slab. Gil takes a moment to inform us that raccoons have opposable thumbs, which was definitely news to me. Then again, I'm a city boy who doesn't know the difference between a raccoon and an opossum, so that's not saying much. Catherine notices that the guy is wearing a 30-day AA chip, although why he's got it on the outside of the costume will forever remain a mystery. After noting aloud that the costume itself is completely lined with latex, Catherine goes on to compliment its impressive craftsmanship and fine Corinthian polyester. EB David responds to this by grabbing a pair of scissors and slitting the thing right up the side. Heh. He doesn't get far, however, before a huge pool of blood spills out, and shortly thereafter Gil discovers a bullet hole in the costume's front panel. They roll Rocky onto his side so that Catherine can open the Velcro clasps in the back, and why they didn't just do that in the first place is totally beyond me. In any event, the bullet wound is "through-and-through," which is indicative of a high-velocity round. "So he was shot AND hit by a car," realizes Catherine. "Bad night," agrees EBD. Gil then quips, "Even for a raccoon," but seeing as how getting shot and hit by a car would a bad night for pretty much any living thing on Earth, I'm not really sure what that's supposed to mean.

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