CSI
Getting Off

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Words that should never go together

Look, everyone, it's the luxuriously shiny Vegas strip! Money, money, money! And now, marvel at the juxtaposition as the camera pans below an I-15 overpass and down to the shantytown below. In case you're wondering what it looks like: think of a music video from the 1980s, any one where the artist is Making A Statement about how terrible it is to be poor/homeless/a teenage runaway-turned-whore, and thank God they have royalties to save them from that fate. The video format usually entails the socially-aware star dancing and singing around a dark and squalid urban setting, while stylishly ripped-and-slashed street kids with heretofore untapped dancing abilities strike poses and stroll around like extras from Cats when they're not looking urchin-like and victimized by society. If this doesn't ring a bell with you, go watch VH-1 Classic and just wait for it.

Anyway, a fairly nice car comes by, and several women who might charitably be called long-term contract workers in the sex industry saunter on over to make small talk. The car rolls on, past the usual clutch of street people drinking over an oil drum with some sort of fire in it, and the people throw their bottles and look generally unhappy about the vehicular intrusion. It doesn't faze the clear-skinned yuppie behind the wheel. He just pulls up to the next burning oil drum, and the next, and then gets out of the car. We see a clutch of people watch him leave, the music gets all dramatic…

And then the next shot fuels the fears of every person who's ever hissed, "Lock your doors! This is a bad neighborhood!" to the other passengers in the car as they drive through a section of town not yet terraformed by big-box stores or national franchises. The yuppie's on his back, several stab wounds puncturing his chest. Gil and Brass hunker down, and Gil notes, "No watch, no wallet, no shoes." "No service," Brass replies. The two men get up and walk away, making this the shortest CSI episode ever. Kidding! Brass comments on how the guy's lucky he still has the fillings in his teeth. Why? They can't really be used to fill the bleeding holes in his torso. Gil checks the corpse's teeth, just to be sure, and Brass chuckles. Ah, graveyard humor. Gil then notes the man's marvelous manicure, and comments on how well groomed he is. Brass replies, "I don't care if he was lemon-scented and Martinized, if he was on Washington and D, he was copping. You should have just said no!" Heh. Gil checks out the group of kids -- the same ones as before, dramatically backlit and lurking at the end of an alley. He takes us to the credits with, "Maybe somebody just wouldn't take 'no' for an answer."

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