CSI

Episode Report Card
Sobell: B- | 645 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Dead Man's Party

Commercials. The psycho-Elvis, he will haunt me in my dreams.

Hey! It's Catherine's case that we've all heard so much about! And the reason it's taken us so long to get to it is because it took Catherine, Warrick, and Nicky a long time to get to the rolling alfalfa fields of Iowa. What mysteries lurk among this perennial herbaceous legume? Will one of them be "What the hell is an alfalfa field doing in the DESERT CLIMATE of Nevada?" As the waders-clad Catherine and Warrick slog out to the scene, Warrick tells her, "This land used to be part of the Bennett estate." Catherine replies, "Bill Bennett? The guy who owned the Sahara?" No, Bill Bennett, the author of The Book of Virtues. He's got some ties to the gambling industry too. Anyway, Warrick continues, "Yeah, we used to come out here when we were in high school. It was like a seven-acre lover's lane." Catherine says, "I thought you said you were a dork in high school." Warrick responds, "I was a dork in high school. I'm still a dork. But I had dimples. I got a little action." Warrick has dimples? I suppose if he ever actually smiled on this show, we'd see them. Catherine doesn't doubt Warrick got play in the fields as a nerd.

She and Warrick make their way over to Emergency Backup David, who's looking a little spooked. The corpse is in the middle of a flattened circle; all the vegetation's been blown down. Emergency Backup David explains that we're looking at the 30-year-old Kevin Staniland, recently of Reno. He adds, "I figured before I processed the body, you'd want to photograph the crop circle." Warrick's all, "Crop? Circle?" Emergency Backup David quavers, "Well, it's a circle in the middle of a field? What would you call it?" Warrick concedes the point. He and Catherine wander over; Catherine wonders if the blindfold means Kevin was in a game of pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey gone terribly wrong. I wonder if Catherine's pumpkin-colored part means she was in a hair-coloring accident gone terribly wrong. Emergency Backup David turns over the body and announces that lividity's fixed, meaning that Kevin died there, instead of being dumped by puckish aliens as they sped off to wreck more crops and hang out with Whitley Streiber readers. Catherine wonders how Kevin ended up in the middle of the circle. As the music goes all funny, Emergency Backup David raises his eyes skyward and says, "I have an idea…" Warrick shoots him a look, and he adds, "I'll keep it to myself."

CSI

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