King Baby

Episode Report Card
Sobell: F | Grade It Now!
No shit!

And moving right along...Magli gives us the "Uh. Right...the Lamborghini was a gift to Tanya Rollins" line when he meets with Brass in his casino. "You've got to woo the talent," he adds. Or placate a black hole to keep it from sucking so hard. Brass quickly establishes that he's got a photo of Magli "placating the talent" when the talent was only 15, and asks, "Don't you know that 15 will get you 20?" Magli's all "Uh. Right...what do you want?" Brass wants to know why Tanya's Lamborghini was in Bruce's driveway. That would be because "they were involved...Tanya always went where the best deal was. I rolled her, Bruce bankrolled her career. Smart move. Turned out she had other talents." None of which have been readily apparent in this episode, but do go on. It turns out Magli poached Tanya from Bruce's casino, adding, "Tanya said that he was a freak and she wanted out." Brass sighs, "Then what? 'Cause I got felony sex, infidelities and a picture of a baby I don't know anything about." Sy Magli has little time for the woes of Brass, and excuses himself from the suspects list with "I didn't want him dead. There's little sport in humiliating a dead man."

Back at the Labitrail, Catherine's talking to the milkmaid herself, Tanya Rollins. The fingerprints all over the nursery, plus the DNA all over the breast pump, more or less place her there; the LSD in her purse and the cell phone full of "Baby Bruce" pictures aren't exonerating her either. Tanya says, "Sy said all Bruce had was fear." "Yeah, there's really not much to fear about a crying man in a diaper," Brass says. Let's hope he's only generalizing in the abstract here.

And then we go into the flashbacks -- Tanya changing Bruce's diaper and promising him "something extra special" with the enema. And then, just to make sure the dose takes, she turns on the hippie-dippy, swirly lights and colors and begins singing, "Twinkle, twinkle little star."

Back in the present, Tanya brightly sums up the experience with, "And then he just started acting crazy!" "As opposed to soiling himself and gumming your nipples?" Brass asks. Heh. LOVE HIM.

Returning to flashback, we get Bruce having a big freak-out while Tanya merrily snaps pictures with her camera phone. She claims, "And then he just jumped off the balcony."

Catherine sidles on over and gets at the real question: if Bruce creeped her out so badly, why did she stay? "Nobody leaves Bruce," Tanya said, echoing Bruce's wife. Catherine asks why Tanya was afraid to leave -- what was she afraid of? "That I'd never see my baby again," she replies. "Bruce said that he wanted a baby. That he'd take care of both of us." Catherine blurts out, "And you believed him?" Tanya looks freshly hurt all over again, and says, "Yeah. Only after the delivery, he said he had to take the baby away. That he was going to take [the baby] for a while to be with [Bruce's] mom. You know, wait until my career took off -- until I was ready to be a mother myself." Catherine would look horrified, if her face were still capable of expression. Instead she has to settle for staring really hard.

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