CSI
Primum Non Nocere

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First, Do Not Give Away The Ending In The Title

In the men's locker room, as players in assorted states of undress wander around, Catherine begins interrogating people. I sense a Lisa Olsen incident in the making, but I shall fight my sense of misgiving to recap Catherine's questioning. She's currently asking the doctor why he moved the patient; the doctor's all, "You ever try treating someone on the ice wearing street shoes?" Catherine does not reply, "You ever consider strapping on a pair of skates and administering first aid?" Instead, she establishes that the victim (named Terry Rivers) was breathing when carried off the ice, but failed to respond to CPR once he was on the bench. Catherine inquires about the stitches, and the doctor goes into his "Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor" routine again, pointing out that he had advised Rivers to stay off the ice. Catherine asks pointedly, "If he'd listened, he'd still be alive." The doctor's rueful expression passes for agreement. Having established that the deceased was something of a bonehead, Catherine then moves on to trying to get inside his thick cranium: "What do these guys play for? A little money? An imitation Stanley Cup?" The doctor elaborately rolls his eyes, as if to say, "I only treat these people; I don't pretend to understand them." Behind Catherine, Burly Guy mutters, "We play for the pride of it." Catherine wheels around, bemused and skeptical, and adds, "And the joy of kicking ass. You are...?" Burly Guy responds, "Tommy Sconzo. Right wing, first line. Hitting's part of the game. Take away the physical aspect, you've got ice skating. Guys out there doing triple lutzes." Actually, you've got something more tedious than ice skating, since hockey lacks the sartorial excesses that keep figure skating amusing. Catherine asks, "Is that how you lost the...?" while pointing to her teeth, and laughs a little before continuing, "The sit-spin?" Sconzo replies, "Second period, number nine. The guy's a real McCracken...he gave me a high stick to the mouth. That's why my guys crashed the goalie. An eye for an eye." Catherine asks if that's why his guy ended up dead. Sconzo gives her a searching look and replies, "What can I tell you, lady? It all happened so fast, you know?" Catherine rightly calls that line for the cliché it is by saying, "It usually does."

Meanwhile, Gil and Sara are heading toward a Zamboni -- this one off the rink and parked in a maintenance dock somewhere. They stop in the doorway, and Gil says, "There are three things in life that people like to stare at: a rippling stream, a fire in a fireplace, and a Zamboni going round and round." Sara nods in recognition: "Charlie Brown. I love a Zamboni." Gil replies solemnly, "We all do." He's right -- I just entered "I love a Zamboni" on Google and got 6,080 hits. Gil wheels a mirror under the Zamboni, looking for anything caught in the undercarriage. He's in luck: there's a tooth embedded in a chunk of ice on the horizontal screw. He calls for Sara's attention by saying, "The thing I love about Zambonis is that they pick up everything." Sara comes over and Gil says, "I'm afraid the other part of this tooth might be in there." He nods over to the mountain of shaved ice that the Zamboni produced between periods. That makes sense: a Zamboni's going to have to dump out the holding tank between runs. At least Gil and Sara will have time to ponder the marvel of Zamboni while they wait for the ice to melt.

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CSI

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