CSI
Random Acts Of Violence

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You're Not My Real Dad, Gil!

Just like that, we're over at P.J's, where the owner is angrily telling a cop, "This guy's a punk." Brass tells him to start over at the top. He does: "This guy's no good. Every time he's been in here before, there's been trouble. So this time, I exercised my right not to serve him. You know what the little freak does? Lifts up his jacket and shows me a piece. I tell him to take a hike...hey! Are you listening to me or are you flashing back to your youth?" Oh, he does not ask that -- but we get a shot of the defiant punk glaring in recognition at Warrick and Warrick staring back with beleaguered intensity. We hear the barkeep saying, all echo-y, "He proceeded to tell me to watch my back because it wouldn't be the first time that night he killed somebody." Warrick says, "Jay...Jaycobs?" The barkeep corrects him, "No, it's Gene Jaycobs." Warrick helpfully tells us that Gene is former classmate of his who got kicked out of school. Brass says dryly, "Let's see what the lad has to say for himself." Nothing that can be repeated on primetime television without a lot of bleeping, I bet. Then Brass proceeds to channel his inner homey: "Hey, Gene, what it is! Uncuff him!" Warrick looks on with trepidation. I don't blame him; I'd probably have the same expression if I ran into most of my schoolmates. Actually, Warrick walks over to Gene, who immediately asks, "Do I know you?" Warrick says, "Put your hands out in front of you." Gene asks, "Oh, it's like that, huh?" Apparently it is, as Warrick fails to say, "You're right -- how wrong of me to not 'keep it real.' You're free to go." Instead, he checks Gene's hands for GSR and says, "I could process this now; it would tell me if you fired a gun within the last few hours. But I'm going to take this back to the lab, make you sweat it out." Something tells me Gene never signed Warrick's yearbook, "BFF!!!!" Brass picks that moment to drolly comment, "Officer, I think someone needs their cuffs put back on." Warrick continues to stare for a while, an activity that has all sorts of aesthetic merits, so far as I'm concerned.

Cut to HyperTrix, where Artie, the World's Strongest Man, is busy practicing for his interrogation by coolly smirking and saying, "I know what that is. You're checking me for blood spatter. I watch the Discovery Channel. I found the body, I called the police. Not too smart if I'm the one who killed the guy." You know, if the guy really watched the Discovery Channel, he'd know that the killer often is the one to call in the crime, the better to set themselves up as a well-intentioned innocent. Anyway. Satisfied with his delivery, Artie pops his head up over his Krebstar cubicle in the motion we at my first software start-up used to call The Prairie Dog, peers over at Nicky and Vega, then sits down to run through his patter one more time. Nicky and Vega come over then, and Nicky asks Artie, the World's Strongest Man, to stand up. Artie does so, takes a deep cleansing breath, and says haltingly, "I know what [gulp] that is. I know what that is. You're checking me for blood spatter. I watch the Discovery Channel." Nicky looks affronted at this. Artie, the World's Strongest Man, continues as Nicky continues scanning him, "I...I found the body, I called the police, nottoosmartifI'mtheonewhokilledtheguy." Vega says dryly, "Thanks for pointing that out." They then head into a discussion of Kwan's last minutes and Artie, the World's Strongest Man, says bitterly, "I didn't see him. Not tonight. I was working my way to carpal tunnel syndrome." You'd think a fancy start-up like that could afford Aeron chairs. Well, actually, they can, but they're not good enough for Artie, the World's Strongest Man. Nicky gives Artie, the World's Strongest Man, a level look, and he takes that as the fuzz putting on the heat, or something, and says all defensively, "It's not like my office has a view of the door. You should be talking to Charlie! Charlie has the good view." Nicky says, "Charlie?" and we follow Artie's finger to an empty workstation. Artie says shamefacedly, "Yeah, okay. Charlie doesn't work here anymore. That...[little tiny voice] doesn't really help you at all." Nicky asks Artie, the World's Strongest Man, to hold out his hands.

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