Swap Meet

Episode Report Card
Sobell: C+ | Grade It Now!
For wives can also be lovers too

Liam returns to his old haunt to ogle Mia as she reviews the contents of the dishwasher: "Five vibrators, five plugs, four strands of beads --" "And a partridge in a pear tree," Liam adds. Mia gives him a dour look, which he interprets as an invitation to keep talking: "Some kids are happy in the sandbox. Others want every toy in the store. And these are dishwasher-safe." Mia promises to swab for evidence anyway. Liam says hopefully, "My money's on bag number two." That would be the one with 26 used condoms. Liam says perkily, "Just like being back in college, right?" Mia replies, "Sara says you didn't lose your virginity until you were 22." Ah, Clark County government employees -- having inappropriate conversations on your tax dollar. And I don't even want to know how Sara knows, unless Liam brought in a cake to celebrate the anniversary of the big day. Without missing a beat, Liam says, "Grissom and I figured that they practiced safe sex, so we processed the trash. Check them inside and out, please." Mia snaps, "I've analyzed condoms before, Liam. Just not in bulk." Liam also hands over the skewers for possible blood analysis.

And now, because Melissa's body is kind of gross, what with having effectively been cooked in plastic for a day or two, we get through the autopsy by means of a montage.

Cut to Nicky slapping the autopsy photos on the table in front of a horrified-looking Charlie. Cavaliere chirps, "She didn't leave town after all. Want to revise your story?" Nicky implies Charlie's motive with, "The semen in her vaginal cavity matches your dead landlord." Cavaliere concludes, "Your girlfriend was paying the rent on her back, and you didn't like it." Cut to a flashback of Charlie shrieking, "You've gone to the barter system! How dare you undermine the utility of U.S. currency! And with the dollar so weak against the euro!" Or maybe he's all jacked up about his girlfriend sleeping with another man, and that drove him to kill. Because people who have sex for the wrong reasons incite their murderers. At least, that's the object message I carried away from this episode. This hypothesis is news to Charlie, and his protestations that he didn't kill Melissa fall on deaf ears. However, he does roll over and admit that he killed his landlord after Nicky does a number on him by casually pointing out that blood has a habit of seeping into the most unexpected places: "Are you sure you got it all, Charlie?" So now I'm confused. Did the landlord sleep with Charlie? How is this murder sex-related? I…I can't imagine an episode in which some fornicator doesn't get their just desserts.

Gah! It's Catherine's first appearance. I knew there was a reason we saw so much of the Young Turks in the first 36 minutes of the episode. She's following Gil into his office; he's looking as though he's kind of wishing his hearing disorder would return. She says, "I don't know that you got the memo. I'm not sure that you read it, but Ecklie is being promoted to assistant director, they are taking applications for his supervisor spot on days, and I want it." Gil continues to play deaf. Catherine barrels ahead: "You want the day spot for yourself? You're worried about giving me a good A.P. score? Breaking up the team? Or maybe you just think I'm incapable of the position, not worthy of the promotion. Is that it? I'm just always, always, always defending myself to you. Unbelievable! I have a daughter who's so starved for my attention, she is thumbing rides to Fremont Street to see her grandfather, the last person I want her around. I mean, not that it's much better with my mother, who sees Lindsey much more often than I do. I am missing out on my daughter's life. I have no life of my own. Would you just stop me here and say something?"

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