Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B- | Grade It Now!
The Gods Must Be Crazy

Claire's Group: After reminding a woman to mention her chastity pledge in the text of her personal ads, Claire takes one more question. A big long arm shoots up from the back. It's Trevor, so Claire tells him, "It might be wise if you just audited the first couple of meetings." Auditing, see? Don't forget who nailed Claire as possibly the first practicing Scientologist Psychiatrist. I'm just sayin'.... Trevor ignores Claire and introduces Dave, who explains that last summer he met Holly at his Da's pub, and the 20 minutes they spent together was all it took for them to form a "transcendent, palpable connection." Remember Ms. Madelyn Don't-Inconvenience-Me, from Claire's earlier group session? She makes an "Oh man" face, which immediately telegraphs to the audience that Dave and Maddie will end up as the "unlikely" but twu wuv connection, by the end of the episode. That's it. See you next week. What? You want to know the rest of it? But they just totally gave it away! Oh, all right.

People are all atwitter once they remember Dave as the guy who changed the New Year's Eve Ball-Drop sign. Trevor tells the rest of the story: he took all his money and spent it on a one-way trip ticket to New York, in order to find Holly. He then encourages the group to spread the word and be on the look out for any woman named Holly who "had a magic moment" in a Dublin pub. "He's here. He's looking for her. And that, good people, is LOVE!" Trevor looks around, waiting for applause. The silence is deafening.

Claire drags out the cold, wet blanket she usually keeps in the pit of her soul, and drops it right on Trevor's head. "I'm sorry, that might be romantic, but it's not love...." She tries to compromise on the term "infatuation" with Trevor, so he accuses her of teaching people to reach for the copper ring. Heh. She wants people to be smart. Trevor scoffs that love is stupid and goes on about Minotaur wrestling, admonishing them to "Be bold." The camera then cuts to Maddie's face, in case you all were out the first time Western Union came to the door. Claire describes all the calm, dependable aspects of love. Trevor counters with the far more delightful and knee-weakening, albeit unpredictable aspects. When he starts to convince the group, Claire plants her flag in the ground. "No, love is what's left after the heat and the passion die." The group again falls silent. When they, and Trevor, look at her in disbelief, she lamely adds, "Or fades... away... kind of slowly." Trevor says, "Wow. Who ripped your heart out?" Maddie raises her eyebrows, and Claire decides to wrap up the session. Trevor then invites everyone to Tres Equis for half-price Margaritas and Mariachi Karaoke duets. As everyone is clearing out, Claire orders Trevor to stay and lectures him about her 15 years of training. Trevor replies, "And what, being the Roman god of love since the dawn of time has prepared me for what? Celebrity judge on Blind Date? Nyyyyyerrrrgh. Couldn't they have found a more current reference, like say, "Hosting The Bachelor"? Claire pretends to indulge Trevor's Cupid claims, and then berates his methodology of randomly shooting people with arrows. She thinks it's time for a new person to do the job. He tells her to have at it. She warns him off of "feeding Dave's fantasy," because she doesn't want him to get hurt and reminds him of her promise to the hospital that he'd "be no danger to [himself] or others. Don't make me regret that." Um... Claire, I don't think they're worried mental patient will break someone's heart. Call me crazy, but I think the board's "danger" concerns are of a more concrete nature. And we jump to...

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