Paula calls Tommy while he's sitting at the bar. It's 3:00 AM. Her lock's broken and she's having trouble getting into her apartment. Trevor's rationale is that at the parole office, their relationship has to be professional. At her place at 3:00 AM, they're just "Tommy and Paula -- young lovers." Tommy is not impressed that Trevor's plan just amounted to changing their setting, but Trevor goes into a defense of setting that involves kissing under the Eiffel tower, etc. Tommy reports there's a problem with this plan. Paula isn't alone. She's with her friend Heather. (No, that isn't the HoYay, either). As he and Tommy make their way to Paula's, Trevor says he'll lure the friend away.

Paula's friend Heather (comedienne Amy Schumer) is drunk. She's drunk, and she refuses to be lured away by Trevor. They must need her around to reveal that Paula loves Tommy right back. Oh, look! I think Parker Poophead has a touch of grey at his temples. I like it. Anyhow, Tommy breaks into Paula's apartment by going up to the roof and then climbing in a window, because he was a jewel thief first, remember, and that's totally easier than trying to unstick a stuck lock, even though he's a locksmith, now. He goes off and does his thing, opens the door with a Ta dah! and Paula is impressed. Not as impressed at Heather though, who says, "How awesome is that?! No wonder you're totally in love with him." Thank you for your service, Heather. Commercial! Oh, look, it's a promo for Lost which I totally wish I was writing about, right now. Those of you who let it go when it was sucking out loud should pick it back up. It's now better than ever. Truly. I know. I'm as surprised as anyone. You wouldn't believe how many times Lost and I have broken up in the past. Oops. I've got to take my kids to school, now. Be right back.

I'm back in record time, but I still feel lacking. If only I could travel the two blocks to my kids' school and back, as quickly as the fictional people in my TV move around fictional Manhattan. Trevor's feeding Heather some coffee in the kitchen, and looking on while Tommy's flirting with Paula as he fixes her lock. "Just so you know, I'm giving you my special You're-In-Love-With-Me discount." Paula says she's not in love with him. Heather's just drunk. "Drunk people get confused." Trevor hollers out from the kitchen, "Dude, Heather totally has you mixed up with a different jewel thief slash locksmith Paula's in love with." Tommy says, "This other locksmith sounds amazing." That word is so overused, now. It's like awesome, which has only recently returned to actually being awesome again. Personally, I think we have Barney Stinson to thank for that. Paula's had enough, even though Tommy still seems to be working on the lock. He tells her that the deadbolt is all set, but he'll have to come back tomorrow to replace the latch. Paula's all whatever, goodbye. Trevor stops at the threshold. "Paula, I think we could have something amazing -- better than amazing." Ugh. His voice is hushed almost to a whisper, probably because he's embarrassed that's he's overusing that word. Paula replies that when she graduated college, she was a bleeding heart, until she got some experience on the job. She's heard 12 years of stories and all she's learned is that people don't magically transform. "Nothing has changed. I don't trust you. Do you understand?" Tommy's face falls. "Yeah, I think I'm clear." We cut to...