Christopher and Rebecca decide to postpone their honeymoon so they can stick around and talk Bobby out of selling Southfork. Bobby remains set on selling it to the Del Sol Conservancy, but Marta del Sol has plans of her own. While outwardly working with Bobby, she's secretly working with J.R. While she's secretly working with J.R., she's also extra secretly working with John Ross. Then it turns out she's extra-super-duper secretly working some other agenda behind all their backs. J.R. gets impatient when Marta's father, the head of the conservancy, doesn't return his calls. So he scoots on down to Mexico to talk to the man himself, only to find out that the woman he's been deal with isn't even the real Marta del Sol.
Before all this, though, J.R. makes his re-debut at the annual Cattle Baron's Ball. Bobby is surprised to learn J.R. isn't mad about selling Southfork. J.R. makes fake-nice with Bobby and his little brother buys it. J.R. also makes nice (for real, probably) with Sue Ellen, who continues to look like she just stepped out of a women's fitness magazine. Attendees at the ball encourage her to run for governor of our great state, laying out future plot lines of potential awesomeness.
Elena breaks up with John Ross over that whole email thing, but keeps him on as her business partner. This gets sticky when she also decides to work with Christopher on ways to drill for methane that aren't so murderously prone to earthquakes. Or something. Honestly, everything involving that little love triangle is kind of a snooze so far. Possibly more interesting is the revelation that Christopher's new bride and her brother are working some kind of long con on the Ewing family. Stay tuned for the full weecap.
Previously on Dallas, it was two minutes ago. We pick up with Christopher and Rebecca after their wedding. They have sex with their underwear still on. Either they're very bad at this, or they're so good that not even multiple layers of cloth can get in their way. Elsewhere, Elena mopes over a printout of the mystery email and refuses to answer her phone when John Ross calls her. John Ross eventually gives up and then meets up with his daddy and Marta Del Sol in the nursing home dining room. J.R. wants to talk to Elena's father about the shady deal they're working, but the home won't let him make international calls from his room. "Now, what am I gonna do about that?" he asks. You go up to the nursing home administrator and you say, "I'm J.R. Goddamned Ewing and I want to make an international phone call!" Or you could just use a cell phone, but whatever.
Later, John Ross walks Marta out to her car and promises they'll celebrate like they did back in the old days. You know, with the sex and all. But for now, he wants to keep things strictly personal. Also, they have to keep J.R. from talking to Carlos Del Sol or their evil plans will be ruined. Then, despite John Ross's insistence on not mixing business with pleasure, they start making out in the parking lot. J.R. sees all of this from his window. He look of unsurprised amusement carries us into the opening credits.
The newlyweds wake up the next day and realize they're about to miss their flight to Tahiti, but then decide not to go on their honeymoon just yet. They're going to stick around and try to talk Bobby out of selling Southfork.
Speaking of Bobby, he's in a lot of pain and clutching his side. It's a different side than he was clutching in the last episode. Ann sees him and follows him on horseback to a tree where all the family lovebirds have carved their names over the years. Ann tells Bobby about finding his medication and he tells her about his upcoming surgery. He doesn't want to tell Christopher about it, though, because it'll ruin his honeymoon. They cry and hug and gaze lovingly upon their names on the tree trunk. Guess Bobby never took Pam out to the tree.
John Ross, tired of Elena ignoring his calls, goes to see her in person. She confronts him about the email, which she thinks he sent. He seems genuinely surprised by it. In fact, once he realizes that the email is the only reason she's not still with Christopher, he's kind of pissed and leaves all in a huff.