Pilot: Changing of the Guard

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Tippi Blevins: A- | Grade It Now!
Who Stuck J.R. in a Nursing Home?

Later, she lies to John Ross that they didn't talk about Christopher's work. How is an entire earthquake a secret? Why wouldn't it be on the news?

Bobby's tumor wakes him up in the middle of the night. Ann, thinking it's nothing more than a bit of indigestion, goes to fetch him some Tums from the kitchen. That's when she hears someone rustling around in Bobby's office. She grabs a gun from the kitchen cabinet and chases away a masked intruder instead of shooting him in the face. What kind of Texan is she? When she goes back to Bobby's office, she finds his cancer meds on the floor.

The masked intruder shows up at Christopher's office, where he hands one of the workers an envelope of money. In exchange, the worker lets him download a bunch of files off the computers. In this job market, you'd think it'd be easier to hire loyal employees.

The day of the wedding. For some reason, Mitch has scheduled Bobby's meeting with a lady from the land conservancy for the same day. Neither of them has ever met her or even heard of her, but her dad's supposed to be a big deal, so hey, why not trust her with your family's legacy? Her name is Marta Del Sol and takes Bobby up in her helicopter to tour the ranch. She makes a convincing pitch for choosing the Del Sol Conservancy. Bobby's tumor tries to warn him that something is sneaky, but he ignores it.

Getting back to the wedding, Bobby starts telling people that he's going to sell Southfork. Before Charlene Tilton and Steve Kanaly can make much of their cameos, Christopher drags his father off for a private confab. They're interrupted when Rebecca's brother Tommy comes bounding up to them, having just arrived. He looks like a slightly taller version of John Ross, possibly because he doesn't appear to have his head up his ass. Meanwhile, Sue Ellen and her son chat about the sale. John Ross is bitter because his mother "hid him away" in boarding school and kept him away from his father. She offers to use her powerful connections to help him and suddenly he's not quite as bitter anymore. A member of the serving staff stops by and tells John Ross he has a phone call, but it's just a ruse to give him the flash drive full of info he stole from Christopher. Again with the shitty employees!

John Ross sneaks off to look at the drive's contents. Among the files is a grammatically atrocious news item about the Chinese quake. Still not understanding how any of this stuff is a secret. Maybe someone should introduce John Ross to Google and save him a buttload of payoff money. John Ross confronts Christopher about it. "What do you think your dad would say if he knew your little experiment caused the death of thousands of people?" He'd say, "Why wasn't this on the news?!" John Ross threatens to expose his cousin unless he convinces Bobby not to sell the ranch. Instead of putting his boot up his ass, Christopher walks away. He goes to Elena and accuses her of tattling on him to John Ross. She's utterly confused and I'm utterly distracted. This woman's skin is drawn so tight it probably sounds like a snare drum when she goes out in the rain. At some point, she slaps Christopher and it snaps the both of us back to the present. They air out their mutual hurt feelings over the past. Chris thinks Elena jilted him and Elena thinks Chris jilted her. She accuses him of sending her an email on their wedding day, breaking up with her, but this is news to him. He says he waited at the altar for her and thought she had died or something. Maybe he should have checked with her mother. Anyway, so she hooked up with John Ross in Mexico after that and they both cry and look like they're going to kiss, but don't.

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