Christopher goes back to John Ross and gets all up in his face. "I know it was you," he says. They glare hotly at each other. This is where a manly brawl should have broken out, but it doesn't. Instead, Christopher confesses everything to his father and plans to go back to the drawing board. He also says he feels the need to earn his way into the family. Bobby tries to protest, but Christopher cuts him off. He promises to make the Ewing name the big thing in alternative energies. So Bobby goes back to Marta and shakes hands on a tentative agreement. John Ross stomps off in a huff.
Thankfully, we don't have to sit through the whole wedding ceremony, and just cut to the "I pronounce you" part and Elena trying not to look too obviously sad.
John Ross heads to his daddy's room at the nursing home in a drunken stupor. J.R. is up and about and looking more like his old self. Marta is also there, much to John Ross's confusion. J.R. says he's known Marta since she was a little girl. John Ross realizes they've been working together all along. "What's Uncle Bobby gonna do when he finds out?" he asks. "Bobby may not be stupid," J.R. says, "but I'm a helluva lot smarter." With that, he puts on his cowboy hat and the show finally starts.
The episode ends with the driver of the fancy red sports car pulling up at Cowboys Stadium. It's Marta, and she walks out onto the field to meet John Ross. They make flirty eyes at each other. "You were right not to trust J.R.," she tells him. He puts on his cowboy hat, but it doesn't seem quite as epic as when his daddy did it. "The fun," he promises, "is just beginning."
Tippi Blevins is patiently awaiting a reboot of the TV classic about her own hometown -- Houston Knights. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org, or find her on Twitter.