The Enemy of My Enemy

Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: C+ | Grade It Now!
Mineral Rights? Mineral Wrongs!

John Ross isn't having much luck getting tankers -- from any company -- back onto the drilling site before the first shipment to his investors is due. As if he doesn't have enough to deal with, Christopher comes up to him as angry as a squirrel whose last sunflower seed has been stolen. "It's been two days -- I'm done waiting," he says. He wants John Ross to fork over information linking J.R. to the fraud. They get into a shouting match that's mostly all Christopher. Somebody really needs to take Jesse Metcalfe aside and have a conversation with him about his voice and delivery. When Christopher gets mad, he sounds like the bad cartoon version of mad. John Ross changes the subject. He thinks Christopher's more upset about Elena than about Southfork, which: ugh. I am this close to calling her Elena Lang.

Rebecca shows up at Southfork with a peace offering. It's a 1941 invoice from lawyers showing the work they did for the Southworth family to separate the mineral rights and surface rights to Southfork Ranch. Bobby and Christopher are wary. She explains about Tommy stealing documents, but that she brought this back as soon as she found it. She says she wants to make up for what she's done. If the invoice is legit, then it means that the mineral rights were never sold to the Del Sol Conservancy. Or to the fake Del Sol Conservancy. Or to J.R., for that matter. Bobby gets hopeful. Christopher thinks Rebecca is faking the whole thing. "Why would I do that?" she asks. "BECAUSE YOU'RE A LIAR!" he shouts. Rebecca offers to help them look for the original documents mentioned in the receipt, even though it would mean spending more time with Christopher's voice. They send her back on her way, though. She gets a nosebleed on the way to her car and stumbles a bit. Elena sees this and comes rushing over.

Bobby and Christopher head over to a storage shed somewhere on the ranch to look through Grandpa's stuff. Christopher whines about what he's sure will turn out to be a wild goose chase, and then tells Bobby about the sex tape he found. Why dig through piles of possibly spider-infested old furniture when they prove John Ross getting his fraud on with Marta? Bobby points out that it's J.R. they need to stop, not John Ross. Christopher gets all shouty again about how he's pressuring John Ross to that end, but Bobby is sorely disappointed and won't hear of it. Christopher pouts and drops the subject.

Meanwhile, J.R. has taken himself to a comfy suite in a Las Vegas hotel, where he's currently getting a manicure and massage from three young ladies. This heavenly respite is interrupted when Bum calls him for a little exposition. J.R. is in hot pursuit of Cliff Barnes, who plans to bring gambling to Texas. J.R. wants to nose his way into one of Cliff's high stakes poker games, find out what his fellow old coot is planning and put a stop to it. Bum doesn't think Cliff will let J.R. buy his way into a game. J.R. disagrees: "For a chance to make money from me, Cliff Barnes would push his mama into a puddle of piranhas!" He pronounces it "pir-an-yahs" and gets a good laugh out of his own awesomeness. This whole show should just be J.R. making quips about carnivorous fish, telling people to shut up and enjoying heaps of red Jell-O.

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