Everybody's trying to blackmail everybody else. If that doesn't say "family entertainment," then I don't know what does. First, J.R. confronts John Ross about the fake Del Sol deal. J.R. lets his son know in his own subtle (and awesomely scary) way that he is not to be screwed with and the two of them end up deciding to work together. They pay Mitch Lobell a little more money to keep the deal from Bobby, while also trying to dig up the dirt that will keep Lobell at bay. At the same time, Bobby decides not to sell Southfork after all, so J.R. and son step up their game. This involves digging up Miss Ellie's old diary and threatening to expose her secrets to the world. Keep in mind that although J.R. and John Ross are both guilty, it's only John Ross who's na├»ve enough to get his hands publicly dirty.
Bobby decides (again) to sell Southfork to keep his family from feuding over it. Christopher is angry as hell until his father reveals he has cancer. Hurt and confused, Christopher flings himself into Elena's arms for a kiss, whereupon Tommy takes pictures and sends them to Rebecca. This is all part of an attempt to get his sister to spy on her new husband, but Rebecca actually seems to have fallen in love with Christopher for real. On the business side of things, Christopher and Elena find a way to make his methane project work and Cliff Barnes breezes back into town to invest in it. Christopher turns him down flat, but Cliff doesn't seem discouraged.
In the end, John Ross's private detective doesn't find anything useful on Lobell, but he was able to somehow (possibly with magic) find out who really sent that triangle-busting email to Elena. It was -- get ready for it -- Rebecca! Before she ever even met Christopher! It's actually kind of boring, but the show seems to think it's pretty exciting. Stay tuned for the full weecap.
J.R. takes John Ross to some kind of... manly spa thing. I've never seen anything like it. It's all wood-paneled and stuffy, with barber stations and a big pool table in the middle that seems rather ill-placed. They get nice, relaxing hot shaves and then J.R. dismisses the barbers and finishes up John Ross's shave himself. He tells a story about his father that ends with, "I loved my daddy, and I respected my daddy. But most importantly, I feared my daddy." With a straight razor poised at Junior's throat, J.R. reveals that he knows all about the fakery with the fake Marta. He is one scary old bastard. John Ross spends the opening credits trying not to pee in his pants. Finally, J.R. lets up and apologizes for not being around when John Ross was growing up. He asks John Ross to give him a chance to teach him all about the oil business. John Ross hesitates, but soon he's all puppy eyes and hugs. They talk about Mitch Lobell, who's threatening to screw up their whole deal. Lobell's weak spot. J.R. says, is his son, who killed someone years ago. Lobell paid off the one witness to the crime. "The drilling industry runs on two things: Drilling mud, and information. Go find that witness for me, partner." John Ross looks like a puppy that's finally been given a long-awaited belly rub.
Southfork. Ann and her new daughter-in-law bond over rifle practice. It's all happy times until Rebecca's brother Tommy shows up. Ann conveniently has to leave the scene, so the siblings can have some privacy while discussing their nefarious plans for Southfork. Tommy seems way more nefarious than Rebecca, though. She makes excuses for not knowing about Christopher's work, so Tommy gives her a flash drive that will upload some spyware onto Christopher's computer. He can tell she's not into it. "He's been spending a lot of time with Elena, working on a fix for his patent," he says. "Sad those two lovebirds couldn't make it work." Rebecca scowls. "He found somebody better." Tommy whips out a pistol and shoots a bunch of targets. I think this is supposed to make him seem like a villain, but TV and movies have taught me that villains usually have terrible aim.
J.R. and John Ross meet with the people who are actually behind the fake Del Sol deal. One of them is a guy named Vicente Cano. He's flanked by two big, silent types. Marta's there, too, and since they keep calling her Marta, so will I. J.R. and Vicente all but unzip their pants to see who has the biggest huevos. Vicente: "If that oil should happen to stop flowing to us for any reason -- equipment breakdown, if you should become incapacitated -- that would be unacceptable." J.R.: "The best way to understand a man is to talk to his friends and his enemies. My friends are in the state souse; my enemies are gonna be harder to find." They glare at each other for a bit, and then break out the insincere smiles. They shake on a deal and Marta downs a few pills. It's a prescription for foreshadowing.