Damages

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In Terrorem
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You remember that one time when Patty told Ellen that she was like the daughter she never had? Well, Patty is like the boss I never had. I'm also starting to think that Patty should probably be seeing someone about her massive mood swings. One week she is arranging for Ellen's death, the next she is inviting her out for drinks. Last week she put her in her place over going to West Virginia, this week she and Ellen are getting side-by-side spa treatments. Why? I don't know! Who does that with their boss? I mean even if your boss was nice enough to give you a spa day, who would expect you to go with them? Any time you see your boss's toes is...awkward. I've worked in a fair number of offices and even when I worked in fashion and you would sort of expect spa treatments to happen, it still didn't happen. Anyway. Patty and Ellen sit in matching white robes at some day spa and I have to interrupt here because I am excited to report that I am vacuuming while I write this recap. How is this possible? No, I do not have a laptop stand on my vacuum cleaner, nor do I have a cleaning lady. No, I got a Roomba! Seriously it had been on my Amazon wish list for, like, three years and someone finally bought it for me. Best Christmas present ever. Robot vacuuming is completely mesmerizing and if I didn't have the willpower of a founding father I would be staring at it right now as it makes its little figure eights around the house. Currently the little robot is in the bedroom cleaning under the stairs, under which reside a collection of dust bunnies so grandiose in scale that I once thought my dog was hiding under there, but he wasn't. It's just too hard to reach under there and vacuum because you have to lie on the floor and stretch and it's far too close to a push up for comfort. Luckily the robot does not share my compunction about exercise. I think it's moving the chairs out of the way now. Now if I could only find a robot that could do the laundry. Anyway, Patty and Ellen are wearing matching robes, begging the question did they get undressed next to each other? Isn't that taking this just a bit too far? Patty asks Ellen if she ever told her how she picks a case. Apparently Patty's brand of righteous justice all starts with a seed of anger. She cultivates that seed until it blooms and grows into a full-blown rage. (Anyone else just get "Edelweiss" stuck in their head?) Once that blooming and growing happens, Patty has to take the case because anger unpunished causes wrinkles. And we all know how she feels about wrinkles. Ellen hails the nearest aesthetician to upgrade her facial to include an anti-wrinkle algae scrub, because she has a lot of unresolved anger. Patty is going after Ultima National Resources and if Daniel Purcell is a casualty, so be it.

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Damages

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