After last week's revelations that Walter Kendrick is a lying liar who lies and is kind of a dick, too, when the Board at Ultima National Resources brings in a Number Two, Claire sees an angle to oust Walter Kendrick from his post. She tries hard to maneuver Number Two to take the reins himself and then pits Kendrick against him, so she can take the company for herself. After a few calculated moves and thinking she has the Board's backing to take the helm of UNR, Claire walks right into Kendrick's trap. Turns out that Kendrick (and probably UNR as a whole) is a giant pervert who got his jollies watching Claire get it on with Daniel Purcell and is now firing her for her trouble. Since the vengeance demons are busy, Claire goes to Patty and offers to help rain fire and brimstone on Kendrick's balding head. I don't know about you, but I am so excited to see these two working together.
Patty and Phil are being profiled as a "power couple." Obviously the revelation that Phil is a cheating cheater who cheats has to come out before the New York Style Magazine article can be released. Don't they know about the New York Style Magazine curse? Ellen spies Phil in a hotel lobby with a little lady who isn't Patty at all. Since Ellen is hell bent on revenge, she can't help but figure out a way to break the news to Patty that her husband is a dick, too. Noticing a theme here? With the help of the private investigator she has hired, she makes sure Patty gets some tell-tale pictures. The fall out isn't pretty and looks like Phil won't be Energy Secretary after all. Also, Patty knows it was Ellen. She knows and she wants her to stop being vindictive. Ellen recalls a lesson from '80s anti-drug ads: I learned it by watching you!
Patty's war on UNR keeps on keeping on. She wins a battle (and maybe the whole war) when her trusted team swipes the entire Cadillac from under their noses. Her mechanic is a bit suspicious about the new car's well-used GPS system.
Cheeseburger meets some guy from Calder Security about a problem with some fallout from the Frobisher case and how this fallout could possibly link him directly to the murder of "her fiancé." Aye yi yi! Does this mean his contract with T-Mobile will get cancelled? The guy tells Cheeseburger that as far as he is concerned Cheeseburger does not even exist, but you know that's not going to be enough for Cheeseburger. Meanwhile, the private investigator that Ellen hired has already figured out that Calder has a bunch of rogue secret operatives that do lots of dark and secret things for Calder Security and that they need to prove the secret operatives exist to start to prove who killed her fiancé. Hmm… maybe he should start his search in Ellen's bedroom.
Also, Agent Glenn rushes to the hotel room reporting that Ellen shot Patty Hewes.
As Ellen enters her hotel, she sees Phil and a woman pretending to make separate exits. Ellen may be a crap actor who can barely hold up the weight of her own head, but even she managed to put two and two together and not fall over. Phil covers fairly well when Ellen goes to greet him, but it's too late. Ellen calls the FBI agents, er, agent. I miss Mario Van Peebles already. Are we 100% sure he didn't fake his death? Why did Agent Glenn have to live? Why? Why?! Oh god why?! Ellen tells Agent Glenn her news. He suggests that since Ellen doesn't know how Patty will react to the news that she should just sit on it for now and keep it for some rainy day when she feels like ruining Patty's life. When Agent Glenn suggests doing nothing with the juicy tidbit, Ellen makes a face like Agent Glenn cut one in the room. Fake fart face may be her finest acting to date.
Claire Maddox is wearing extremely puffy sleeves. Actually they are just puffy at the bottom. It's kind of pirate-y. She is playing fake nice with Walter Kendrick who is getting choked up over signing some papers to create a library in his illiterate grandfather's honor. She pats him on the back and before she leaves she offers up a monotone apology for questioning him and his business. She claims she only wanted to protect him. He apologizes too, for overreacting. Claire reassures him that she trusts his leadership of UNR. Kendrick nods, he knows that.
Tom debriefs Ellen on the fact that Patty has granted her first personal interview in over a decade to the hauntingly familiarly title magazine called New York Style. Sounds like a mag that was aiming for Vanity Fair and ended up at Life & Style, which makes me kind of sad for Patty that she has sunk to these depths. I bet last season's Patty would have got the real New York Magazine. The magazine is doing a profile of Patty and Phil as New York's elite power couple. Oh that explains Phil's philandering within the city limits: it's the curse of the public profile. You declare you're in love in the pages of People magazine or that you're the happiest couple ever in US Weekly and you are doomed. Doomed! Tom warns Ellen that Patty granted the magazine full access and so Ellen better prep her glowing remarks. Ellen looks confused that anyone would want to talk to her and, well, I agree. Cut to the reporter interviewing Tom about balancing the pressure of a high profile job and a family life. Tom goes on and on about Patty's grace and equanimity and her mothering skills. He manages not show his profile so the reporter can't see that his nose has grown six inches. The reporter asks if Patty has any flaws and when Tom asks it to be off the record, the reporter makes a great show of turning off her recorder. Tom leans in and reports that Patty has no flaws, not a one. His nose knocks the reporter off her chair.