Back at the office, Patty tells Ellen and Tom that Kendrick started talking settlement the second Dave Pell's name was mentioned. Tom nods knowingly while Ellen looks from Tom to Patty, drawing a blank on the name and finally admitting that she doesn't know who Dave Pell is. Patty explains that Dave a.k.a. Lester is a power broker. He introduces people, makes deals happen, and then takes a cut for himself. Further discussion is cut off by Tom's phone again. It's his wife -- she's five centimeters dilated! I don't like thinking about other women's cervixes (is that the plural?), and by the looks of it neither do Patty or Ellen, who stare blankly at him, like he just farted and they're trying to ignore it. Tom rushes off to the hospital. Okay, New York nerd time. If you live elsewhere, just skip ahead. So Tom steps out of the office onto Lafayette Street near Great Jones to catch a cab. I know this, because there are very few Meineke shops in NYC, and when your brakes go on the Williamsburg Bridge, you tend to remember the locale of your new brakes oasis. So, anyway, is that where they are claiming their office is now? No way. Hewes & Associates is not a NoHo law firm. Financial district, maybe, but more likely in the 50s, so they can lunch at Tao with the rest of their white-shoe brethren and not Noho Star with the plebes. Anyway. Back to the actual plot.
So Tom is laughably on Lafayette Street on the phone with his wife, reminding her to breathe, and trying to wave down a taxi when a bunch of cars surround him and he is taken into custody. He loudly protests that he is on the way to the hospital because his wife is having a baby. He says it repeatedly and in different ways, but the Feds don't care. One thing Tom doesn't say? "Where's the warrant?" Tom, I know you're not an expert on criminal law, but really, watch more Law & Order. For your own good! Tom sits across from Agent Glenn, truthfully denying giving the plaintiff from the infant mortality bait case any money. Okay, Tom isn't 100% truthful. He tells Agent Glenn that when the plaintiff asked for the money he told her flat-out "no." Agent Glenn skillfully asks why he set up a second meeting and Tom's explanation that he was trying to talk sense into her is as hollow as an empty empanada. (Seriously, there is nothing sadder than an empty empanada -- so much potential, simply lost.) Agent Glenn comes clean to Tom that the plaintiff was actually a federal agent and they were at the park the day he met her. Tom pauses for a second and then skillfully changes tact. He's glad that they were there because now they know he did not pay her off. Agent Glenn doesn't respond to that directly, but shows Tom photos of him, the plaintiff, and a large envelope of cash and then plays a recording of the first few minutes of the meeting with the plaintiff. The first few minutes where the plaintiff thanks him for the money and he says he is glad to help. Truth be damned, Tom's screwed. And his wife is totally gonna kill him. Agent Glenn calls the agent who played the plaintiff into the room and tells her that Tom denies giving her the money. The agent throws an envelope on the table and claims that it is filled with the $60,000 Tom gave her. By this time, smoke is coming out Tom's ears and he demands an attorney. Agent Glenn ignores the request and Tom leans forward, nostrils flaring like an enraged bull and demands an attorney right that second or so help him. Agent Glenn shrugs and says they have an attorney for him. Okay, hold up one second -- no, this is not another diatribe on Manhattan real estate, but a point of order: Giving a potential plaintiff money is a breach of legal ethics. But I am not sure it is a crime. Why would it be? I understand why it would be bad practice for lawyers to buy clients, particularly in high-profile class action suits. You don't want a bidding war for justice, because that would be tacky. But! Why would it be criminal? You are giving someone money with the hopes of them paying it back when the case goes to trial and you win big. I mean Tom supposedly knows a lot more about the law then I do, so maybe I'm wrong. But I don't think I am. Unless New York criminalized the unethical conduct of lawyers or breaches of the canon. Anyway. Tom asks for an attorney and Agent Glenn has one for him. Ellen.