Damages
Trust Me

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Acta Est Fabula, Plaudite!

Ellen walks into her office and, oh god, do you remember that god awful wallpaper from the conference room that I made such a fuss about before because it was so fucking ugly that I kept thinking of Oscar Wilde's last words which were "one of us has to go, me or the wallpaper" but I couldn't go because of my responsibility to recap this show, remember? The one with the bloody Grecian theme? Well it's spreading like a malignant tumor of ugly and they have wallpapered the foyer with it. God. By the time we come back next season the entire office, nay, the whole building will be covered in that temple and column red wash street art wallpaper. Good fucking god, hire a new set designer. Anyway. So Ellen walks into the foyer and is stopped by...Cheeseburger. He's wearing a black trench coat and a tie and looks almost professional. He takes out his badge and introduces himself as Detective Rick Messner, NYPD. Oh sure, now make his name all obvious and stuff. When she tells him that he looks familiar, he reminds her that he met her when he was working a string of murders last year and her fiance's murder fit the pattern. She flashes back to the scene where Cheeseburger invited himself along with the detectives re-working the crime scene after Ellen was released in order to steal the last piece of evidence that could link him to the dastardly deed. He asks to speak to her privately. She takes him into her office and he shows her a file filled with pictures and clippings of the cop that he killed when Katie identified him whose name is apparently Officer Tolkien. Which is sort of sad for old J.R.R. Cheeseburger tells Ellen that he thinks this cop was involved in her fiance's murder. Ellen looks surprised. Cheeseburger goes on that he isn't there in an official capacity, but to warn her that if this cop was involved, there is a good chance there is a leak somewhere in the police department. He wants to help solve the case, but he needs her to keep their conversation quiet. Accusing a cop of corruption can be a dangerous business. Cheeseburger manages to say that with a straight face, but only barely. Ellen stares at him wide eyed. It's hard to tell if she is putting all the pieces together or is just stunned at this odd conversation. Cheeseburger gets up to go and she thanks him sincerely for the information. It has taken me all season to figure out why Cheeseburger is SO creepy, but after careful examination of the footage I have it: He doesn't move the top two-thirds of his face. Seriously. His mouth moves when he talks, but he doesn't blink, he doesn't raise an eyebrow, he doesn't furrow anything. I would think he had Botoxed the top half of his head, but judging from his hair, I can't imagine he cares enough. It's creepy. Now I'm going to watch that T-Mobile commercial he is in really closely to see if this is a Cheeseburger-specific creepy character trait, or whether this guy has some debilitating facial nerve ailment that I should probably not be mocking.

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Damages

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