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Mors Dicitur Ultimum Supplicium

A stinking drunk Ellen stumbles into her hotel room and heads straight for the bottle of Johnny Walker (red, cheapass) and offers her companion another drink. Luckily for everyone watching or involved, the other person in the room is Katie. She makes Ellen put down the bottle and sends her to bed. And it is a sad drunken day when Katie is the smart one. When Katie follows Ellen into her room with a bottle of water to stave off the impeding hangover, she finds Ellen huddled on her bed almost in tears. Actual tears would most likely be too much to handle for our little Aussie. Drunk Ellen mumbles about not being able to talk to anyone, not being able to handle her liquor (which isn't hard with fifty pounds of liquor in a forty pound body), and how she isn't really working for Patty Hewes. Katie has no idea what she is talking about but luckily Ellen passes out before she can spill the beans to blabber mouth Katie who would probably Facebook "OMG Ellen's a fed!" as soon as she got home.

Claire goes to meet Kendrick who is wearing a turtleneck and a blazer like he's been taking fashion tips from Thurston Howell the Third. As they sit down so Kendrick can sign some papers, Claire apologizes for grilling him about the hooker. She was just worried about the company's reputation and has to think about that first. He says it's okay and she says good because she has more questions. She claims she was looking through the Aricite documents that Daniel Purcell leaked to Patty Hewes. Kendrick suspiciously asks why she was doing that and she plays it off beautifully as just being bothered by his change in story on the witness stand. She shows Kendrick that Purcell's original report on Aricite proved it was toxic. Kendrick abruptly says the report was wrong, which was why Purcell corrected it. When Claire gently asks him to clarify whether they need to clean up anything in West Virginia, Kendrick gets down right pissy. He snaps at Claire to quit asking so many damn questions and just shut up and be his darn lawyer already. Claire grits her teeth as he walks away.

Patty walks in to Mary Kay's gallery and is not admiring the art when Mary Kay thanks her for coming to see her. She thinks they should talk. Patty immediately asks why a smart attractive woman would choose to date a child, which is a really good question. Mary Kay smiles and rambles about Michael not being a child, but rather an overprivileged teen with an inability to look anyone in the eye and who constantly has his hair in his mouth. Patty responds with: Are you mentally ill? That was really fucking funny. 'Cause right. Why else would this woman want to hang out with that mealy mouthed pimple faced slack jawed dead behind the eyes drone? Mary Kay smiles again, doesn't flinch, and says something stupid about Patty being on the brink of empty nest syndrome. Um, zing? Patty ignores her and instead threatens to rip off her face when she breaks his heart. Once again Mary Kay doesn't flinch, but rather smiles and tells Patty that if there is anything she likes in the gallery she can get her a family discount. She's so smooth and calculated that it almost makes you think Michael wants to date someone just like mommy. I'm an admitted public radio nerd and this completely reminded me of a This American Life piece that I think John Hodgman did about choosing between flight or invisibility for a super power. One of the people he interviewed asked about sidekicks and then stopped herself when she realized that having a sidekick meant hanging out with a teenager all day. I mean who wants that, right?

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