Dance Your Ass Off
Burn Baby Burn

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Crisco Inferno

It's Disco Week on Dance Your Ass Off! But first, we have to check in on Alicia, because we can't have two minutes go by on this show without her crying. While the more normal and awesome contestants like Tara, Warren, Mara, and Shayla work out and work hard, Alicia is having trouble remembering her moves. "The turns are like, are messin' me up," she explains to her poor, poor dance partner Italo. He takes off, so Alicia has to practice all by herself. This frustrates her, so she lets out a number of grunts and groans. But she knows that won't get her the camera time she so obviously craves more than ice cream, so she heads down to the group kitchen to vent as if no one else on this show has a dance routine of his own to memorize. "The dance that I'm doing is like really technical," she says. "It's only Tuesday," one contestant says kindly, whereas I would have said something like "why don't you eat a bag of Doritos? That will make you feel better" because it's $100,000. Alicia starts talking about her tough life of obesity, as if her fellow fat contestants haven't had it just as rough as her, then breaks down into tears and loudness. "I had a bit of a meltdown," Alicia says calmly in an interview. Cut to her meltdown, in which she screams bloody murder and throws couch pillows while her contestants watch and laugh. Trice appears to be recording it with a cell phone, which makes her the most awesome person ever. Once the couch is dead, Alicia moves onto the next target of her drama queen rage: the Cheat cabinet! She violently throws its contents in the trash, which is really rude because this isn't just her house and what if someone (Brandon) wanted to eat that stuff? And even that isn't enough -- Alicia has to take the trash out of the apartment entirely, much to Brandon's obvious dismay as he chases after her. One person (I think Shayla) lets out an awesome "girl!" And that's all she says, because what else can you say, really? Alicia says the junk food represents all the bad thoughts and her painful past, because it's easier to blame Frito-Lay than yourself. Now that it's all gone (until the crew re-stocks it the next morning) she can clear her head. Meanwhile, the time she just spent screaming for attention could have been used in the gym or the dance studio. I hope she loses this week. I hate the Cheat cabinet, but it didn't deserve this.

We go to the "live" portion and MJW, whose hair and smile are bigger than ever in an attempt to make her body look smaller by comparison. She introduces us to the judges in their giant rhinestone egg. Lisa Ann Walter waves to the crowd and smiles with her lips that I have on good authority are totally real. Last week, I said I thought they were fake, but I was wrong. First up to dance is Karla, who I just saw on one of my favorite shows, I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant! She was in a re-enactment scene and played a woman who didn't know she was pregnant until she gave birth in a toilet. Karla did a really good job with the material she was given. Karla says she's been working out hard this week while her fellow contestants were "sitting around chatting in their little rooms" or attacking couch cushions. Her dance is to "Funkytown," and she seems to do a good job, although I'm not thrilled with the choreography. And I'm especially not thrilled with the fact that they cut away to show Alicia's reaction to the dance instead of showing us the entire freaking dance. It's a dance show! Show us the dancing! Come on! Mayte isn't thrilled, either, saying that Karla was stiff in her shoulders. She gives her a "sassy 6." Is that better or worse than the "good 6" she gave out last week? Lisa thinks that Karla wasn't as connected to the disco music as she was last week's '80s music, and that she let Jull do a bunch of impressive leaps and jumps while she lay on the floor. She gives Karla a 5. Ouch. Danny blames Karla's performance on coming down from such a strong dance last week and gives her a 5. Karla tries to act happy with her crappy 5.3 average score and her 4.4 pound weight loss, which I think is impressive. It's 2.66% of her body weight, which gives her a total score of 7.96. Karla looks worried.

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Dance Your Ass Off

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