Dance Your Ass Off

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Sara M: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Goodness, I'm in a bad mood. But I realize why: it's time for my next dose of Vicodin! Ahhhh, that feels much better. And just in time, too, because Alicia is up next. She pats herself on the back for improving so much last week and tells her partner that this is the lowest she's weighed since 8th grade. Yikes. 220- something pounds in 8th grade? Although I was all of 4' 1" in 8th grade myself, so I guess my concept of a 220-pound 8th grader is much different than someone else's. Alicia says she never saw herself as anything other than a fat girl, which is probably her problem all along: she never saw herself as anything other than fat, so she never tried to be anything other than fat. Then again, that's easy for me to say and much harder for her to do. Alicia checks her stomach out in the mirror and thinks she sees the beginnings of a 6-pack. Don't push it, Alicia.

Alicia and Italo and dancing to "Closer." Oof -- someone put drama dance moves in the choreography. Alicia loves them, but they look cheesy as hell. The judges do not look at all impressed. Alicia and Italo end the dance in an embrace to try to steal Shayla and Mario's connection thunder from last week. Mayte claims to like the dance, the concept, and the moves, but says Alicia was "off-beat" sometimes. She gives her an 8. Lisa likes Alicia's "look" this week, but this show isn't called Costume Your Ass Off so who cares? Lisa says some of Alicia's steps were "wasted" but then gives her an 8 anyway. Danny says that Alicia is not a natural hip-hop dancer like some of the other contestants, but she has "personality" so he gives her an 8. Huh? What's up with the uniformly high scores this week? Just because we're later in the season doesn't mean everyone has to get an 8 minimum. Alicia's 1st dance average is an 8.

Ruben is the last hip-hopper to go. He reminds us that last week, he failed in his effort to win a call home to his sick boyfriend, but now he has his eyes on the prize. His partner Hilary interviews that it's amazing to have him as a partner. As a dance partner, sure. But as a life partner? Try getting cancer and see where Ruben is then. Ruben claims that he has to "learn how to dance again" through Hilary, like he didn't already know it. That said, he's used to ballet dancing, so hip-hop is an unwelcome change for him. He says he might have some "white boy movements" but he'll do his best. Wait, "white boy?" Is Ruben white? I honestly have no idea. Anyway, he's dancing to "Right Now (Na Na Na)." His costume includes a backwards golf cap with a pirate skull on it, which is tragic. They've also put an "R" on the back of his vest, like Ruben always gets the monogrammed costumes, doesn't he? What's with that? Anyway, he looks too graceful at some times and too slow and deliberate and uncomfortable at others, so I'm sure he'll get a bunch of 8s or 10s.

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Dance Your Ass Off

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