Dance Your Ass Off

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Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
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All That Jazz

And then we're back on the stage with MJW and her giant hair that has been placed all around her face to make it appear as through she has no neck. Shoot her hair person, too. The judges emerge from their rhinestone egg, and Lisa is full of pep today already! She waves all over the place and smiles through her very real lips. MJW reminds us of the rules and then it's time for the first contestant to go: Shayla! Shayla's ankle is still bothering her, and it probably will for the next month if my sprained ankle is anything to go by, so she doesn't have high hopes for her dance scores this week and is trying instead to focus on eating right and losing a lot of weight. She accomplished this by meeting with the nutritionist (who I think they'd all be better without since she told Pinky to eat just 951 calories a day last week and then Pinky didn't lose any weight) to come up with a healthier version of her favorite recipes. To Shayla's incredible sadness, she must replace one ingredient with Worcestershire sauce. Shut up, Shayla! I'm half English and Worcestershire sauce is the ingredient of my people. Anyway, Nutritionist Meg's tips saved Shayla 3,000 calories she claims, so god knows what the hell was in that recipe before Meg came along.

Time for the dance! As usual, Shayla is looking good, and Lisa bops her head along and claps off-beat. There's a weird move where Shayla tries to hold a handstand off her partner's back that just looks slow and weird, but then she follows it up with some cool moves and all is forgiven. She does have a bad case of dancer face at times, however. Mayte gives her an 8 right off the bat, even though she didn't seem to like it very much. Mayte is such a puzzle! Lisa tells Shayla: "girl, you're a star." You know, I don't think I've ever see Lisa say "girl" and "you brought it!" and "lock it dooowwnwnwnn!" to a white contestant. Funny how that works. She gives Shayla a 9. Danny says he thought Shayla got an easy dance style this week until he realized that hip-hop is not in Shayla's comfort zone. Like Mayte and Lisa, he thinks she's awesome, and gives her an 8. It probably would have been even higher if she'd gone later in the show. Shayla's average is an 8.3, and she knows that there's almost no way she's going home this week. Add to that a 2.6 because she lost an awesome 5 pounds this week (upon hearing this, Shayla collapses in tears) for a total of 10.90. Hilariously, Shayla demands to know how many pounds she's lost in all, and MJW says it's 19.2. Shayla is freaking ecstatic. I hope she gives the proper credit to the Worcestershire sauce.

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Dance Your Ass Off

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