Dance Your Ass Off

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Dancing With The Candy Bars

Warren goes next. He started the show at 357.6 lbs. Whoops! He is big. The nutritionist sets him up with plenty of product placement turkey and apples, which you'll be shocked to learn is not Warren's usual diet. To demonstrate, we watch slow-motion shots of Warren eating a donut over and over again. Warren meets Sarah, his dance partner, and gives her his best white man with no moves moves. Oh dear. Warren has a lot to overcome on this show. And he and Sarah will be dancing to "Jump Around," the song for all white men with no moves. Tragically, he'll be wearing bright red shorts pulled up high with suspenders, a wife beater, and a lime green cap. Yuck. Okay, so Warren does a really good job with his dance, although there's nothing too difficult in it. But come on. He's 350 pounds and from Utah. I am impressed. Mayte is not, and criticizes Warren for not connecting enough with his partner. She does praise his running man, which I actually thought was the weakest of his moves. She gives him a 5. Lisa picks on Warren's facial expression during his dance, which is kind of unfair. It's his first week! Also, Lisa's lips are over-inflated with collagen and that is even more distracting, so she should shut up. She copies Mayte and gives him a 5. Danny has praise for Warren, saying he was impressed with his ability to memorize all of those moves and train his mind so quickly. He gives him a 6. Danny's opinion is the only one I trust on this show now. Warren's average score is a 5.3. He tells MJW that giving up bacon was harder for him than the dancing and heads for the scale. He lost 11.6 pounds, which is 3.24% of his body weight! But his overall total is 8.54, putting him in last place, thanks to Mayte and Lisa.

Trice is next. She meets her partner, Jesus, and interviews that he's "so small." Jesus, on the other hand, is nice and so praises Trice for her moves in his interview. Trice can do a split. She's the third contestant out of five to be able to do this, which makes me think I need to do some serious work on my flexibility. Trice and Jesus work for seven minutes before Trice gets tired. Bad attitude. Her starting weight is 274.9 pounds. She works out and says she's looking forward to losing weight and getting a great ass. Except that if she does get a great ass, it will eventually fall off, as per the show title. Trice and Jesus get some current music for their routine, doing "Disturbia." Trice looks pretty good and shows off her split. She makes a lot of scary faces, too, although some of them might have been intentional. But if Lisa is going to pick on Warren for his faces, she'd better nail Trice, too. Mayte tells Trice to work on her arm movement, which prompts Trice to show off her not inconsiderable arm fat. Mayte will not accept this excuse, although poor Jesus is looking terrified of the slaps he is going to get from it if Trice makes it to next week. Mayte gives Trice a 6, and Trice takes this as another opportunity to give Inglewood a shout-out. Lisa compliments Trice's flexibility but calls her energy "too frenetic." Trice responds to this with a lot of energy that is too frenetic, so good luck with that. Lisa gives her a 6. Danny compliments Trice's dance-ending booty-shake, although he does so by alleging that Trice could make a lot of money by selling that ass as possibly a stripper or prostitute. He gives her a 6. MJW asks Trice the burning questions: what food did she miss the most this week? "Cheesecake!" Trice says without hesitation. Then she hogs the mic and makes a speech about how she's no size 5, but she's shaking what her momma (and a shitload of cheesecake) gave her. MJW finally gets Trice on the scale. She lost 11.4 pounds this week! Wow! I guess when you take the cheesecake away, she really isn't supposed to be that heavy. That's an impressive 4.15% of her body weight for a total score of 10.15.

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Dance Your Ass Off

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