Dance Your Ass Off

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Grin and Bare It

It's time for more dancing off of the asses! I have to admit, the theme song for this show is unexpectedly catchy. This week, it's time for pole dancing, and the contestants and their dance partners head off to a product placement gym in West Hollywood for a lesson. Let's see how Alicia can make this all about her, shall we? Tara is the first to have issues with the concept, as she tells us that she's not exactly thrilled about the fact that her twelve-year-old son is watching at home. I'll bet he's not too thrilled, either. The tattooed instructor extols the benefits of pole dancing, which I used to think was BS until I saw a clip of the US Pole Dance Federation 2009 championship highlights on Youtube and it blew my mind. Those women can basically hold themselves in the air with just their vaginas. Incredible! After a brief demonstration, the contestants get to try it for themselves. Ruben calls it "amazing," while virginal Brandon is intimidated by the whole thing. Shayla is having trouble wrapping her 38H (!!!!!!!!) boobs around the pole. Trice is looking forward to her sexy costume, which just goes to show that she hasn't been paying attention to anyone's costumes thus far in the series.

With that, we go to the "live" portion and meet our judges in their rhinestone egg. Lisa's lips are looking very real this week, I must say. MJW manages to explain the rules of the game through the giant fake smile plastered on her face and calls up the first contestant: Shayla and her 38H boobs, which should really count as two contestants. Each. Shayla says she's working hard on good nutrition and working out, and just three weeks into the competition, she is no longer pre-diabetic! See how desperately your body wants to be healthy? Just give it a little exercise and nutritious food and it will thank you. Dr. H allows Shayla three seconds of happiness before warning her that her pre-diabetes will come roaring back if she gains weight again. Having to talk to Dr. H has put Shayla in a foul mood, so she does some boxing for her workout. And now, the dance. Her partner Mario is dressed like Emcee from Cabaret. Poor guy. They dance to "Don't Cha," and Shayla manages to overcome her boobicap and spin around the pole while Mario writhes around looking turned on. He gets to do a pole dance of his own, but it's somehow different when a guy does it. Mayte calls the performance sexy, but dings Shayla for appearing to anticipate her movements. She gives Shayla an 8! Lisa doesn't have any complaints, but only gives Shayla a 7. Danny beings by saying that he had low expectations for pole dancing this week, but Shayla really impressed him, enough that he could see her dancing professionally. That's not exactly a compliment, Danny. Anyway, he gives her an 8. Shayla's average is a very nice 7.7 and she lost 2.3 pounds for a percentage of 1.16. Her total score is 8.86, which should keep her out of danger. It also means that at least two people lost less than 1.16 % of their body weight. Pathetic, Brandon.

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Dance Your Ass Off

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