Dance Your Ass Off

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
Grin and Bare It

Second up is Ruben, who is wearing some weird makeup this week. He's proud to already be under the 300 pound mark and feels sexier, which I'm sure that boyfriend he left behind in the ICU will really appreciate. Ruben is all confidence and thinks he'll be number 1 for a second week in a row. He's dancing to "Slave 4 U," from back in the days before Britney was crazy. Him and Hilary do some weird robot-y moves I'm not a fan of and he has this weird expression on his face. He's also wearing a three-piece suit for a stripping dance. He takes the jacket off and does a spin on the pole, but that's about it. Bad choreography for Ruben this week. Mayte, however, calls Ruben's pole dance "sexy" and gives him an 8. Lisa loved the "story" of the dance and also gives Ruben an 8. Fortunately, Danny is the voice of reason and says that Ruben didn't use the pole as much as he could have, but then he gives Ruben a 7, so whatever. He gets a 7.7, the same average as Shayla, even though there's no way his dance was as good as hers. He lost an awesome 7.8 pounds this week, for a percentage of 2.64 and a total of 10.34. Ruben is such a ringer, but he's so happy about his progress that I can't help but like him.

Next up is Trice. She wasn't happy about the low amount of weight she lost last week, so she stepped up her workouts. But then some evil producer left a full cheesecake just sitting in the fridge! Trice interviews that she misses her cheesecake. Then she's sitting at the table with a different cheesecake and blaming it for the size of her ass. She settles for a dark chocolate-covered strawberry to satisfy her craving, as her nutritionist suggested. For a second there, I thought we were entering Biggest Loser product placement territory and she was going to crack open a cheesecake-flavored yogurt and say it was just as good as the real thing, which IT ISN'T. Trice and Jesus are dancing to "Milkshake," which is the best stripper song. While they dance, we cut to Karla making a Frankenstein's monster face. Oops! Karla forgot she was on camera. Trice doesn't do much spinning on the pole, but she does hump the pole and use it to help her into a split/ground-hump. Mayte dings her for not enough pole action, saying she didn't have to swing on it (since she obviously can't) but she could have touched it instead. She gives Trice a 7. Lisa says Trice's dancing was too fast and there weren't enough long, slow, sexy moves. I don't think you can do a long, slow, sexy move to "Milkshake," though. She gives Trice a 6. Danny docks Trice for not swinging on pole because it builds upper body strength and thus burns calories. Sure, but if you don't have the upper body strength to start with, you're probably not going to get it in just a week. He gives her a 6, for an average of 6.3. She lost only 2.9 pounds, which is 1.11 percent, giving her a total of 7.41. I guess those chocolate-covered strawberries weren't such a hot idea after all.

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Dance Your Ass Off




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