Dance Your Ass Off

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Grin and Bare It

The next contestant to dance is Tara! Time to embarrass your son, Tara. Tara claims that her knee is feeling better, but it sure doesn't look better with all that wrapping on it. Dr. H told her the more movement she gives her knee, the better it'll be, but I don't trust him at all. Tara does, though, and gets ready to sexy dance. She really likes her schoolgirl costume, but tells us her children will not be watching this. Nor, I'd say, would they want to. My mom is very pretty, but I never, ever, ever, EVER want to see her do any kind of pole dance. I've seen her do the Twist at wedding receptions, and that was embarrassing enough. Tara adds that her husband will be watching. Ha, I like Tara. She and Michael are dancing to "Promiscuous." She doesn't have the flexibility and ease of movement some of the other contestants do, but her dance partner compensates for this by lifting her up on the pole while she has her leg draped over his shoulder. Then she slides down slowly with a sexy look on her face and writhes around on the floor, much to fellow mother Lisa's delight.

Mayte says Tara was sensual, and she liked that she trusted her partner enough to spin around over her head. And then she gives Tara a lousy 6, so whatever. Lisa loved everything for real, and gives Tara an 8. Danny is impressed with Lisa's improvement over the weeks and with how she was still able to use the pole even though she didn't have the upper body strength to swing on it herself, so he gives her an 8. Two 8s and a 6 -- what's Mayte's problem with Tara this week? Tara's average is a 7.3. She lost 2 pounds even for a lowly percentage of 0.87. That also means that there were at least two contestants who lost even less than that! I hope one of them is Alicia. Anyway, Tara's total is 8.17.

Next up is Alicia. WHAT? Shit. Not only is Alicia not in the bottom two, but Karla is. Ugh! AND we have to watch Alicia's outburst last week yet again. She says that when she was in the "bottom two" last week (which she wasn't -- Warren and Brandon were in the bottom two) she felt like her "dreams were being taken away from" her. You mean like how you took all the Doritos away from everyone else? Shut up, Alicia. She and Italo are dancing to "I Know What Boys Like," and she puts on her dramatic sexy face and rubs her body a lot. She does an impressive back bend on the pole and is able to hold her leg out for a second, which is more than I can do, but Italo is doing way too much jumping and dancing around while she does very little in comparison. Of course, Mayte loved it and gives her a freaking 8 that she doesn't deserve at all. Lisa also gives Alicia an 8, so maybe I missed something or let my dislike of Alicia keep me from judging her fairly. Danny is also pleased that Alicia seemed to take the criticism last week to heart and improved, so he gives her a 7. Her average is a 7.7, which is like a point or two more than I thought she'd get. As for weight loss, she lost 2.3 pounds for a percentage of 0.93, which sucks, but not as much as three of her opponents. Her total is an 8.63, and she'll be around next week. Crap.

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Dance Your Ass Off

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