Dance Your Ass Off

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Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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Ass Your Dance Off

Time for the all-important, all-deciding weigh-in! But first, a montage of our finalists as they lost weight over the ten weeks. And then all three contestants are on scales. I guess we'll get their results all at the same time? No. Shayla gets hers first. She lost... well, I just lost five minutes of my life waiting for the dramatic pause to be over. FINALLY, it is revealed that she lost 4.0 pounds for a percentage of 2.29 and an overall score of 11.29. MJW says that puts Shayla in first place, but only because no one else has weighed in yet. I mean, come on. Shayla has lost 35.6 pounds overall since the show began. Of course, she's really proud of herself. "Congratulations, Shayla," MJW says without sincerity.

Ruben needs to lose at least 4.5 pounds to pass Shayla's score and knock her out of contention. "How are you feeling?" MJW asks him. How the fuck do you think, MJW? Ten minutes later, Ruben lost 7.5 pounds for a percentage of 3.03 and an overall total final score of 12.53. That's it for Shayla. And probably Pinky, too. No way can she lose enough weight to beat Ruben. MJW says that Shayla might not have won the money, but she did lose a lot of weight. MJW is so jealous. Shayla is booted off the stage for Pinky's weigh-in.

After a cruel but expected commercial break during which I see there's a reunion show next week, so it appears that my weecapping duties are not over after all, we finally get to find out how much weight Pinky lost. I am so cheering for her, even though I know there's no way she lost the weight she needed. Pinky says she's happy for the opportunity to dance and that she didn't give up when her foot was hurt. MJW asks Pinky's parents if they're proud of Pinky. YES THEY ARE SHUT UP LET'S GET TO THE FREAKING WEIGH IN. Pinky needs to lose 4.9 pounds to beat Ruben tonight. She lost... 4.4. Not enough. Aw. Ringer Ruben wins, of course. But I'm still happy for him, because his boyfriend's happy reaction was kind of awesome. Pinky's total score is 12.23. So close! Oh well. And true to freaking form, MJW gives Ruben the microphone for him to say good-night only to yank it away when he's in mid-sentence.

Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vlogger Sean Crespo thinks this show is just an extra-long Punk'd in No Prior Knowledge!

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Dance Your Ass Off

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