Dance Your Ass Off

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | Grade It Now!
Asses: Danced Off

There will be no catching up with Warren or Karla, as MJW now has questions from Oxygen's website to ask. Some girl wants to know how much time contestants spent dancing and how much time they spent working out. Karla says they had two workout sessions, two hours of dance, and dance rehearsals with their partners daily, and two sessions each week with the personal trainer. "I've never worked out so much in my entire life," she says. Nor have any of us who have to spend our days doing things like working. With that, MJW intros a clip of never-before-seen footage from the show of various contestants working out and dancing and feeling much pain, both mental and physical. Ruben hates having to look at himself in the mirror during dance rehearsal. Warren misses his family and looks out the window sadly. But there are good memories, too! The contestants bonded with each other and became a family. And they lost weight and felt good about themselves. And then they all got kicked off and cried. Tara is all emotional after the montage, so MJW uses this to ask her how it felt to face the scale every week. Tara says she felt like throwing up the first time, but as soon as she stepped off of it, it felt good because she knew that every time she stepped on it again it would be a lower number.

MJW asks the panel who the most emotional contestant was. I think we all know where this is going: Alicia! This leads into an Alicia montage. Yes, there's that meltdown we've seen so many times. I think Alicia learned an important lesson beyond the weight loss and healthy eating stuff: what you do on camera can and will be shown to a national audience over and over and over again. Especially if you're the only one having a nervous breakdown. God, even when she works out she's loud and annoying. There's an interview with Ruben where he says, on the nicest terms possible, that Alicia is a crazy bomb waiting to go off. She cries when Dr. H puts his arm around her, but I can't fault her for that. I would, too. I think that was when he was wearing his spandex workout pants. Shudder. With that, MJW brings "the Queen of Crying" to the stage. Some girl in the audience is like: 8-O when Alicia walks out, and then when we get to see her I can tell why: Alicia looks fucking amazing!!! Are you kidding me?? She lost 90 pounds! I didn't think she had it in her. I was wrong. MJW is so jealous as she's forced to tell Alicia how beautiful she looks. She really does. I guess all that crying really was useful after all. She gets a seat on the Couch of Success. I can't believe how different her face looks. I would not recognize her. Until she started speaking. MJW asks Alicia if she ever thought she would lose this much weight. Alicia says that she had no idea what to expect from this show and learned much more than she ever thought she would. "I own who I am," she says. MJW says that Alicia had a "love-hate" relationship with the Cheat Cabinet. Heh heh. I love talking about Alicia's relationship with the Cheat Cabinet. I'm so glad MJW brought it up. Alicia says that everyone on the show ate like crap and being on this show and eating healthy was like detox for drug addicts. Alicia is now a size 9, down from a size 20. MJW asks Alicia what criticisms from the viewing audience bothered her most, and Alicia says it was the mole she has on her philtrum, which apparently now has its own website. I don't think I ever said anything about her mole, so that makes me awesome. "Go pay your bills, you know?" Alicia says. Oh, snap, America! And especially!

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Dance Your Ass Off




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