Dance Your Ass Off

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Asses: Danced Off

We get a montage of the contestants' health during and after the show. This is bad news, because it means we have to see Dr. H. Sure enough, he informs us that fat people have health problems. The contestants in the beginning of the show are all suffering from various problems that require some fairly ridiculous-looking medical devices to deal with. But sure enough, as the weeks went by and the pounds dropped, Dr. H was pleased to report that the contestants' health was much improved. No more diabetes or pre-diabetes! Crazy Nutritionist Meg makes an appearance to tell us that eating healthy is a good idea. She also thought that making Pinky eat less than 1,000 calories a day while exercising strenuously was a good idea, though. Back in the studio, Mara says she no longer has diabetes. Warren's asthma and sleep apnea have gone away. And he only lost 25 pounds, so that really tells you how much good you can do for your body with just a little bit of effort. Ew, MJW calls Dr. H the "resident hero" and the cast gives him a standing ovation. Dr. H says the standing O just burned five calories and the contestants have done better than he could have hoped. Even though he works on The Biggest Loser and therefore sees huge improvements like this all the time.

Time to bring out Ruben! He also lost 90 pounds total. How did three contestants lose the same amount of weight like that? Anyway, he looks great but pretty much like he did at the end of the show. MJW says that combined since the show started the contestants have lost 618 pounds. Then we see the Ruben montage. Wow, he really does look different than he did at the beginning. There he is working out and calorie-counting and getting great scores from the judges because he's a ringer. Ruben now weighs 224 pounds, so he still has a little way to go but has done a pretty amazing job. MJW asks him when it occurred to him that he could win the show. He says it was when it got down to the Final Four, probably because he saw that his competition was Alicia, who isn't as good of a dancer, and Pinky, who can't lose weight. He had to think it was 50-50 at that point. He says the transition going home was hard, but he thinks he's managed to incorporate his new habits into his old life. And sadly, John is back in the hospital. That's a huge bummer, especially because I thought his cancer was in remission.

The people on Oxygen.com are obsessed with the Cheat Cabinet and want to know how much of a temptation it was. MJW calls it the "Temptation Closet." Ugh, MJW. It's CHEAT CABINET. Learn it, live it, love it. I want the Cheat Cabinet to host next season. Mara admits to taking food out of it once. Pinky says she broke herself off a piece of a Kit-Kat bar the same week that she lost 6.4 pounds, which should tell you all you need to know about Crazy Nutritionist Meg's diet programs. MJW says that "some people" thought the Cheat Cabinet was mean. Like me. I would not have called this a shout-out if I didn't know for a fact that at least one executive producer on this show read my weecaps. Tara says the Cheat Cabinet is "real life" and helped them learn how to make good choices. It's still mean.

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Dance Your Ass Off

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