Dancing With The Stars

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Performance 3: Results
Tom wants to know who will be this week's April Fool. We'll find out next - LIIIIIIIIVE! As Tom and Samantha preview the upcoming show, the celebs stand in a line and applaud. They all look a little off, like they just got bad news right before the show. Or a bad clam. Anyway, a clip package reviews what we saw last night while the couples give post-dance commentary in the confessional room. So who will get to do an encore? Len announces that they (like me) really want to see Steve and Jonathan's tango. And they actually do it! Awesome. They're actually really good! At the end, Jonathan tries to execute Anna's sliding move but just manages to knock Steve over. They finish up with a manly chest bump. I can't believe they did that. I know it was played for jokes, but it was still awesome. Tom and Samantha review the rankings from last night. Every time I see Christian's facial expression during his dance, I just think, "YIKES!" He looks like he's about to burst some blood vessels. It's freaking me out. Samantha announces that they're going to reveal the first two couples definitely continuing on to next week. To the shock of no one, the first one is...Kristi and Mark. Also moving on are Adam and Julianne. Julianne gives a little fist pump and nearly punches Adam in the face. I know what Adam's thinking right now: "Now that I'm safe, can I just go home, take a nap, and masturbate? I have to get up at 4:45 for my radio show." Kylie Minogue appears to perform her new single "All I See." It's not very good. I'm surprised that more singers don't lip sync on this show. It's not like they attract the best all-time singers or anything. I do enjoy Kylie's rhinestone-encrusted microphone, though. I wish they would give that to Tom during the regular show. Ugh, my least favorite time filler -- what did the audience think of last night's show? Guess what? Some people liked each dancer, and some people didn't. Let's find out about two more safe couples. The first is...Priscilla and Louis. The second is...Marissa and Tony! Marissa is, as you might expect, thrilled. Samantha is excited for them too. Tom points out that Marissa and Tony got the lowest scores from the judges, and they're safe. Samantha talks backstage to Kristi, Priscilla, Marissa, and Adam who are all safe. Kristi and Priscilla both agree that there are no sure things. Of course, Adam takes over (even ripping the mike from Samantha) and tells them all to cut the crap, because everyone knows that they're the leaders and Adam and Marissa are the losers in this scenario. Everyone laughs as Adam manages to get in a plug for his movie, The Hammer, and also insinuate that he and Marissa are going to both be eliminated next week. Look, you may think Adam is obnoxious, or grating, or offensive, or whatever, but at least he keeps things interesting. The one thing I like least about this show is the lame predictability, especially when Samantha is doing the interviews. Adam (who I have admitted to enjoying a great deal even outside of this show) has given me a reason to not fast forward through all of the backstage interviews, because I know that when he's around, something unpredictable is going to happen. I'll be sad to see him go, though I think it should happen in the next few weeks.

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Dancing With The Stars

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