Dancing With The Stars

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | Grade It Now!
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Performance 5

Some of the light has gone out of the show for me since Adam left. Like, I totally forgot the show was on tonight until my husband asked me about it. Maybe they'll bring Kenny Mayne back just to boost my downtrodden spirits. But it's the halfway point of the competition, which is illustrated by the special effect editors making it look like Adam was blown off the stage on his unicycle, which was actually kind of cool to see. This week is Latin week, so the couple will be doing either the samba or the rumba, and they'll be doing it LIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Wow, the stars are really pulling out all the stops. Cheryl is barely wearing any clothes, and both Karina and Shannon seem to have doubled down on the Mystic Tan. Shannon is about the same color as Jason Taylor, if that helps give you a visual. Possibly darker. Also, they just panned across the audience and I think I saw an Elvis impersonator. I wonder what Priscilla's official stance on Elvis impersonators is? Maybe we'll find out tonight! Priscilla is going for a smoky eye look tonight, but she looks sort of...bruised. Not like a shiner, but like a piece of fruit that you dropped on the floor.

First up tonight are Mario and Karina. Mario took a beating from the judges last week, so he needed an ego boost. So he worked even harder on his dance, right? Oh, no. He went to visit Stevie Wonder. You know, whenever I'm facing a troubling dilemma in my life, I ask myself, "What would Stevie Wonder do?" Like should I write and record a pop song with a bossa nova beat that names off all the holidays on the calendar? Stevie would! Should I braid my hair and start wearing dashikis everywhere? Stevie would! What color should I paint my living room? Oh, I guess Stevie can't really help me with that one. Fortunately, he can help Mario get his confidence back through the power of the pep talk.

So now it's time for Mario and Karina to samba to one of my favorite jazz songs, the Ella Fitzgerald version of "A Tisket, A Tasket." It is an awesome song and the house band is just massacring it. Bitches. Karina also looks like Big Bird is attached to her ass. The routine is good, but there's no intensity or elation or whatever to it, and I think Mario screws up the steps at one point. His hip action is good and his lines are smooth. But what do the judges think? Len thinks he needs to work on his footwork, but it was his best dance so far. Bruno thought it was a classic samba, and he loved it. Carrie Ann thought Mario did a clean routine, and it was smooth. Backstage, Samantha asks more nonsense questions with predictable answers. I'll report if anything interesting happens there, but go ahead and assume, not so much. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9 for a total of 27 out of 30.

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Dancing With The Stars

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