Jake was The Bachelor allegedly; I don't watch that show (or haven't in many seasons), so I'll take his word for it. He's partnered with Chelsie, so he must be short. I think they give Chelsie all the shorties. Since Jake has no personality, they use the clip package to try to make us feel for him, because he's worried! That he's not a good dancer! They're doing the Viennese waltz, and not only do they start out with him giving Chelsie a rose (like on The Bachelor!), but they're dancing to "Kiss From a Rose" by Seal. A bit too on the nose. So Jake is stiff, but he gets all the steps right. He needs to work on his hand placement too. Actually, he needs to work on a lot of things, but he's not the worst male star I've seen in week one. This season might be tough, though. The competition is fierce.

Len though he moved well and was impressed that they did the dance in hold. Bruno babbles something about killing and eating Chelsie. Seriously, I have no idea and I could go back and rewind ten times and I still wouldn't know. Carrie Ann is also talking nonsense about bravado. That was a weird judges' sequence. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6, and Bruno 7. I think we watched different routines. I thought it was kind of boring and stiff. Not terrible, but boring.

Niecy! She is fun. She's paired with Louis. She's kind of got the Kelly Osbourne thing as she explains that she grew up as a chubby girl and always had to stand in the back row. In rehearsal, Niecy explains that she likes her jiggly parts, and she's not interested in losing weight on the show. She wants to show people that she can be herself, in the shape she is, and still be a great dancer. Oh my God, I love her. I want her cha cha to be so good, and...it's good. But not great. It's a little slow. She's got personality in spades, so it's entertaining, and she's got rhythm, but her footwork could be better and her posture could be better.

When it ends, Niecy is crying. She tells Tom that she's happy. I think she was more nervous that anyone imagined. Bruno tells her to keep her sassiness throughout, because she lost it at times. Carrie Ann disagrees, and loved her energy. Len thought it was clear and precise, but uneventful and flat. Niecy yells out that she's happy that she remembered the routine. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 5, and Bruno 6. Niecy says that she's dedicating her performance to thick girls everywhere.