Hey, cats and kittens. It's been a busy off season for your intrepid weecapper as I gave birth to twin boys since the last season ended. The bonus for you readers -- severe sleep deprivation makes me loopy so expect these weecaps to be weirder than ever. And I promise that's the last I'll mention the babies, because I know you come here to read my astute and hilarious observations about...okay, I can't even finish that sentence seriously. I'm actually not sure why you come here, but I'm glad that you do, and now it's time for a whole new season. And due to my recent hibernation from all things pop culture, I actually don't know much about this season's contestants and pairings other than the names, so I'm as excited to find out about them as you are. At least some of them. And it's all happening LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Before any dancing begins, we see a credit sequence introducing the pairings. My pre-season faves are Chad Ochocinco (do you follow his Twitter feed? Freaking hilarious) and Niecy Nash (because I love both Reno 911 and Clean House). I just hope they can dance a little bit. And they FINALLY ditched Samantha! And replaced her with... Brooke Burke. Who I really only know from this show and from Rock Star. Wait, was that her or Brooke Burns? Do we really live in a world where we need both of the Brookes? Can't they consolidate into one and eliminate the confusion? Only eleven stars this season, which is fantastic news. There were way too many last season. The band heats up and the couples make their grand entrances down the stairs. Somebody messed up the sound mix and you can barely hear Tom and Brooke introduce the couples. Evan Lysacek looks terrified. Like when Buzz Aldrin looks more animated than you, and he's like a million years old, you know you've got problems. Pam Anderson forgot to comb her hair before the show started. I get that she's going for the "just got laid" bed head look, but really, isn't she getting a little old for that? I'm all for women older than 20 being seen as sex symbols, but I'm also all for aging gracefully.
The first performers this season are Chad Ochocinco and Cheryl. I first started liking Ochocinco when I picked him for my fantasy football team this season, and then I started paying more attention to his antics on and off the field, and then I started following his Twitter feed. And the thing I love about him is, unlike most other professional athletes, he doesn't take himself seriously at all. In their clip package, Cheryl is impressed with his work ethic, and that he doesn't want false praise. He doesn't show much charisma in his interviews, though. They're dancing the cha cha. He starts out with some really fast footwork, and doesn't seem to mess it up. For the first week, he's pretty good. His posture needs a lot of work, and his arms need to be sharper, with better extension. But he's got rhythm, his hip movement has potential, and he and Cheryl have a lot of chemistry. A LOT of chemistry. I'm sure there will be tons of rumors about them.