More results! Who else is safe? Aiden and Edyta! Aiden looks shocked. SHOCKED! I'm kind of shocked too. Who else is safe? Niecy and Louis! YAAAAAAAY! I was starting to get worried. I love my Niecy. You know who doesn't look upset about the possibility of getting eliminated? Tony. You know who else? Chelsie. I get the vibe that Chelsie isn't crazy about Jake. Brooke interviews Pam and Damien backstage, and it makes no sense. I don't think Brooke is even listening to their answers -- she's just reading the cue cards and sticking her mic out and waiting for them to stop talking. Buzz admits that the judges probably scored him correctly, but he thinks the people at home appreciated his patriotism. Because, you know, this contest is sponsored by the American Legion, like the essay contest I won in the seventh grade. Oh, wait. It's totally not.
Are you missing Melissa Rycroft? Well, you won't have to wait long to see her again because she won the Design-A-Dance contest as the female dancer. Now we get to vote on her partner. Weird that they aren't having any pros dance this season; she'll be dancing with another celebrity. I would vote for Lance Bass out of the given options, I think.
Time for a performance by The Beach Boys feat. John Stamos on drums. Wow. This is kind of depressing. How many times do you think they've performed "California Girls" at this point? Thousands? Tens of thousands? They must be so sick of this goddamn song. I mean, I'm kind of sick of it. Some of the pros come out and dance. Oof. "Kokomo" sounds horrible. I mean, more horrible than usual. It's way off key. Also, if John Stamos is such a great drummer, why do they have a second drummer. Oh, he's playing the congos. Like Matthew McConaughey. Except clothed. Which is a shame. Watching them perform is more depressing than watching Buzz Aldrin dance, which is saying something.
Tom and Brooke introduce a segment called "The Len Commandments." I'm looking forward to this. They are as follows:
Thou shalt not kill time (i.e. no messing about at the beginning of the routine)
Thou shalt not take the judges' names in vain.
Thou shalt not steal dance moves. Since they all rehearse together in the same building, they tend to watch each other rehearse, which can lead to stealing.
Thou shalt not interrupt me. That one is specifically for Bruno.
Thou shalt not do lifts. Carrie Ann will get you! Though it would be nice if the show would define for once and for all what exactly constitutes a lift, since it seems to change depending on how Carrie Ann feels that day.
Thou shalt have rhinestones.
Thou may honor the judges. With gifts.