Dancing With The Stars

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | Grade It Now!
Shock and Awe

Are you missing Melissa Rycroft? Well, you won't have to wait long to see her again because she won the Design-A-Dance contest as the female dancer. Now we get to vote on her partner. Weird that they aren't having any pros dance this season; she'll be dancing with another celebrity. I would vote for Lance Bass out of the given options, I think.

Time for a performance by The Beach Boys feat. John Stamos on drums. Wow. This is kind of depressing. How many times do you think they've performed "California Girls" at this point? Thousands? Tens of thousands? They must be so sick of this goddamn song. I mean, I'm kind of sick of it. Some of the pros come out and dance. Oof. "Kokomo" sounds horrible. I mean, more horrible than usual. It's way off key. Also, if John Stamos is such a great drummer, why do they have a second drummer. Oh, he's playing the congos. Like Matthew McConaughey. Except clothed. Which is a shame. Watching them perform is more depressing than watching Buzz Aldrin dance, which is saying something.

Tom and Brooke introduce a segment called "The Len Commandments." I'm looking forward to this. They are as follows:

Thou shalt not kill time (i.e. no messing about at the beginning of the routine)
Thou shalt not take the judges' names in vain.
Thou shalt not steal dance moves. Since they all rehearse together in the same building, they tend to watch each other rehearse, which can lead to stealing.
Thou shalt not interrupt me. That one is specifically for Bruno.
Thou shalt not do lifts. Carrie Ann will get you! Though it would be nice if the show would define for once and for all what exactly constitutes a lift, since it seems to change depending on how Carrie Ann feels that day.
Thou shalt have rhinestones.
Thou may honor the judges. With gifts.

Hey, that's only seven! Shouldn't there be ten? I actually enjoyed that segment, and I usually hate this show's stupid time-killing segments. When they return, Len says that they think this is a great cast, but the judges are issuing a challenge. They want to see a story, but not with gimmicks and tricks, but through the dance. Everyone looks confused, especially Brooke.

Who's safe? Evan and Anna! I don't know what is up with Anna's hair. Are those extensions? If so, they are really bad. They look all frizzy and dried out. Or is that her real hair. I love Anna, but she might want to look into some hot oil. Do they still make hot oil treatments? Alberto VO5 and such? Or now that people don't really get perms anymore, have those gone out? I am old.

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Dancing With The Stars




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