Dancing With The Stars

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Get Crunk In Here

Tom reminds us that each couple had to do two dances last night, and one couple will not be making it to next week's semifinals. This season, with its smaller starting lineup, has been so much better than last season's bloated affair. I feel like it's moved right along at a good clip, and especially once Kate Gosselin was gone, it felt like the right people were leaving in the right weeks for the most part. So what will happen tonight? Let's find out LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Before there can even be opening credits, the couples are lined up on the stage to find out some results. What is Brooke wearing? It's not a bandage dress for once, but it's got some ugly black ruffle on one shoulder that looks like a wood fungus is overtaking her body. Maybe it's true. Oh, I guess they're not showing results yet.

Because first, we have to hear Len's recap of last night's dances. Len thought Evan's waltz was good, but thought his futuristic cha cha had too much future and not enough cha cha. He points out that Erin's tango was a revelation but her rumba wasn't fluid enough. Len thinks that Niecy and Chad are the pretenders and not the contenders. Chad's posture is not great (thank you someone for finally pointing that out!). Len adds that Niecy did well with her waltz but didn't wow with her paso doble. Len was mesmerized by Nicole's foxtrot and thought her '50s paso doble was "a marriage made in heaven." But isn't that more Derek's doing than Nicole's? I'm just saying.

Len gets to announce who gets the encore. He calls Derek and Nicole's '50s paso doble the dance of the season and possibly the dance of all ten seasons of the show. Really? I mean, it was good but it didn't give me chills like, say, some of Maks and Mel's routine, or even Derek's paso doble from the future of last season. I think it's because I just don't feel the emotion from Nicole and I'm not rooting for her. It's like watching the pro dances. I can appreciate that they're good, but since I'm not rooting for any of them, so I don't get emotionally involved.

Time for cross promotion! The Gipsy Kings are here to play a Latinified version of "You've Got a Friend in Me" from Toy Story 3. As they sing, Tony and Cheryl along with Dmitry and Kym (who I thought was Edyta for the first few moments) do a paso doble with colorful capes. Shiny!

DanceCenter! DanceCenter! Jerry Rice, Kenny Mayne, and Len are on hand to analyze the final five. They start with Niecy, and they go for the easy jokes about how she is fat because she eats all the time. I can't blame them; Niecy has made the joke herself a lot. It's disappointing because I admire her stance that she's not there to pull a Kelly Osbourne and lose a ton of weight, and that she wants to show that bigger girls can still dance. But then to go the cheap and easy route of "fat girls love food" is just lame. She's a better comic than that. Anyway, next up is Chad Ochocinco, and they basically just make fun of him for not having a Super Bowl ring like Jerry. Len thinks Nicole is bizarrely talented and they show rehearsal footage of her smelling her armpits. See, if they showed more goofy parts and less crying, I might like Nicole more. DanceCenter has kind of lost its edge. Their biggest jokes were "Niecy eats a lot," "Chad hasn't won a Super Bowl," and "Nicole is goofy"? As Ochocinco would say, "Child, please."

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Dancing With The Stars

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