You know, I just watched the recap show that they do in the first hour, and it kind of pisses me off that they made me sit through two hours of bullshit last night when I could have seen it all in one hour. If I didn't have to do the recap, I would totally just watch the recap on results night; you get to see the full dances and the judges' comments without Brooke Burke's horrible interviews and the dumb roll-in packages. I guess on the first night the roll-ins aren't so bad because you're getting to know the contestants, but they get pretty lame after a while.
The show opens with a song from Santana: "Oye Como Va," and this leads my husband and I to speculate on how, exactly, Santana ever became so popular. I mean, seriously? Carlos Santana is talented and a great guitar player, but did people really hang out at BBQs and bars in the '70s and listen to this? Then again, Nickelback. So, I guess this era doesn't have a leg to stand on. The dancers during this song (first pro number of the season) are Maks and Cheryl, Tony and Kym, and Corky (?) and Anna. Bleh. No more Corky. I get that he was World Grand Champion of Everything at one point but he's gross. Not because he's old; I would love to see Len or Bruno dance, for example. I just think his routines are always in poor taste. I look forward to another season where there are no ladies of a certain age that require Corky's services. Ew, I just grossed myself out. Maks choreographed this number, so I wonder if Karina will get to do any pro numbers this season or not?
Next is yet another recap of the previous night's antics, where we learn that the Hoff, Margaret Cho, the Situation, and Michael Bolton are at the bottom of the pack, and Brandy and Jennifer Grey were at the top of the leader board. It's quite disconcerting to hear Jennifer Grey's voice coming from that unrecognizable face. I feel badly that she had botched plastic surgery and all, but it's weird.
The four lowest-scoring couples are on stage to learn who's safe and who's not. The first safe couple is Michael and Chelsie. The second safe couple is Margaret and Louis. Wow. I really thought she would go home, but she must have corralled her Twitter army. And her gays. And the overlap between those two groups, which I'm sure is considerable. So the Situation and the Hoff are still in jeopardy.
Adam Carolla is back to do a bit about various dances from around the world. I'm sorry, but I'm still impressed with his unicycle riding. I tried to walk on stilts a few weeks ago, and I learned that my balance is for shit. I couldn't even stand up on them, much less walk. Meanwhile, my sister-in-law is trucking around the lawn like a circus freak. So unicycle riding impresses me. He starts by joking that the jive variations (like Carolina Shag) were all named after Hasselhoff's '80s hair styles. It's a good joke. There are some other semi-amusing jokes, but I'm kind of impressed by the production values. He totally makes a gay joke about Bruno that I'm surprised slipped through, and kind of implies that the other male dancers are gay too. Hmm. I wonder if Adam negotiated to get final cut on the bit or something. Anyway. It was at least better than the "funny" bits the show usually puts together.