Dancing With The Stars
Season 11 Performance 1

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | Grade It Now!
The "Stars" Go Dancing

Here's the bonus about this new season: just from looking at the list of "celebrities," I can't tell you who is going to win. So that's an advantage over last season already. Whoa, Brooke's dress is like a purple version of J.Lo's famous Versace number. I hope she doesn't need to move around too much or the FCC is going to be all over that. The couples are introduced and walk down the stairs for the first time this season. Margaret Cho is trying to do a funny fierce stomp down the stairs and she kind of trips and has a whole Lucy moment that cracks me up. I'm already sick of David Hasselhoff. Yes, I will hassle the Hoff, so don't tell me not to do it, you aging alcoholic poor excuse for a father. Oops, did my anger already slip out? Just you wait. There's more where that came from.

When Tom and Brooke are introducing the show, Tom cocks an eyebrow at someone in the cast. Who? I am dying to know. Anyway, they start right off by making fun of Audrina's "acting" "skills" by saying she's spent years playing the challenging role of herself. And not very well, I might add. I used to recap The Hills, and whoo... she is dumb. There is just nothing going on behind her Ceiling Eyes. During their roll-in package, Tony explains that Audrina learned the choreography very quickly, and once they found out that they would be going first, he decided to increase the difficulty of the choreography. Seriously, if she continues on the show, she is totally going to be the one who goes to like Seaworld during their clip packages, because she has NO personality at all. There is nothing interesting about her beyond her boobs and her effed-up eyes. Although I'm sure that her "friends" from The Hills will show up to see rehearsals. Justin Bobby what what?

So Audrina and Tony are doing the cha cha. They start out with Audrina alone, shaking it, and... it's not good. Things get much better when they go into hold. Audrina's footwork is on point, although her hip action is not great. She's too stiff, and I don't know if it's because she lacks flexibility (hard to correct) or because she's nervous (easy to correct). She does keep a smile on her blank face the whole time, and you can't see her visibly counting her steps, so she's ahead of some of the other first-week contenders we've seen in the past. What do the judges think? Len admires her confidence and technique, and tells her to be feistier. Bruno thinks she has the bones of a great dancer, but she needs to push herself. Carrie Ann is impressed that Audrina started out with a solo, and she likes her attitude, but advises her to continue her performance with her facial expressions. Good luck with that. She's kind of a robot. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 7, and Bruno 6 for a total of 19. That's fair; they can't start off with the scores too high in case someone else is way better or way worse, but the scores are high enough.

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Dancing With The Stars




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