Dancing With The Stars
Season 11 Performance 1

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The "Stars" Go Dancing

God bless, Karina. She somehow managed to choreograph a cha cha cha that featured very little dancing but was still entertaining. You know how I said that Kyle's routine should be called the cha? This should be called the ch. There is very little content. And man, is The Situation pigeon-toed. It's almost painful to watch his footwork. But there are little flashes of... not brilliance, exactly, but something not horrible. And his smile is kind of contagious. I do hope they make it through to next week, because I'd like to see what he could do with a full week of rehearsal, and I think this will scare him into taking it seriously. I think. Maybe. Len thinks he has potential but he's under-rehearsed and unpolished. And he has the guns but not the ammunition. ZING! Bruno says he may have talent but he has to apply himself. Carrie Ann wants to see what he can do next week, and he agrees. Karina is just cracking up. Scores: Carrie Ann 5, Len 5, and Bruno 5.

Jennifer Grey (yes, that's really her after much surgery) is fifty. FIFTY! God, I'm old. They find out that they will be dancing to "These Arms of Mine," and seriously, how many women my age had their sexual awakening to that scene in Dirty Dancing? I got chills when they started playing it. Seriously. Goosebumps. Plus, Otis Redding rules. When she hears the song again, Jennifer gets really emotional, thinking about Patrick Swayze, and can you blame her? I'm kind of emotional and I didn't even know the dude. But I loved that movie. I remember seeing it in the theater and people stood up and cheered during the ending when she does the lift. Anyway.

Derek's no dummy, and he evokes the movie through their opening pose and Jennifer's dress. And guess what? She's fabulous. Not fabulous for a fifty-year-old. Just great. Graceful and beautiful and great footwork. I hope this gets her a career resurgence. Bruno tells her that it was great and she should be proud. Carrie Ann tearfully tells her that she was profound and she just gets better with age. Len loved it but thought the dance suited her, so he wants to see how she does with the jive next week. Me too. I hope Derek remembers that she's not the twenty-something Nicole and doesn't throw her around. God, Brooke Burke is the worst. Derek is trying to lighten things up, since everyone is crying, and she tries to bring everyone back down. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8 for a total of 24.

The final dancer is David Hasselhoff. I kind of can't stand him. He acts like he's in on the joke, but he's kind of not, and seeing that video of him eating the burger just made me sad for his children. Maybe he will win me over. But not if he keeps wearing those leather pants. Hoff admits that his heart is in the right place, but his body is old, and can't keep up. Maybe he should stop wearing the tank tops then.

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Dancing With The Stars

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