This is the end. My long lost friend, the end. Seriously, this season has lasted longer than the conflict in Viet Nam, hasn't it? I've developed a heroin addiction and I suddenly love The Doors. SOMEONE HELP ME!
The show opens with a clip package about three very different individuals who started this challenge 14 weeks ago and are now wondering if what they gave was enough. People. It's not the Olympics. It's a tacky trophy on a meaningless reality show. In a year, people won't even remember who won, will they? I barely remember who won each season, and I wrote about each and every episode. Sometimes when they talk about former champions, I'm like, "That's who won that season?" or "That person was a finalist?"
After the theme music, a gaggle of pros (isn't that the proper terminology? A flock? A murder?) dance down the stairs. I think it's all the pros from this season that aren't in the finals. They open with the group dance moves from Dirty Dancing -- you know, at the end of the movie, when Johnny leads the dancers into the auditorium where Baby is standing on the stage, twirling her skirts and smiling? That sequence. I see Cheryl, Karina, Anna and Chelsie. I thought there was another female dancer, but I guess not. They keep moving around, and it's hard to tell. The guys are Tony, Louis, Corky and Maks. The pros leave the stage and The Hoff is back, followed by all of the eliminated stars from this season, each with his or her partner. Except for Audrina, who has the flu. Then the three finalists come out and join their pro partners and it's kind of a group dance and kind of chaos. I hope the eliminated people get to do more than that short segment; I always enjoy getting to see them come back and try one more time. Margaret Cho looks fantastic, by the way. I follow her on Twitter and she's been looking for trainers to help her work out in each city while she's on a comedy tour, and it shows. The camera focuses in on each pro in turn, so they all have to hold their final pose for an awkwardly long time.
Brooke explains that Michael Bolton's not there (totally forgot about him) because he has a concert date in London and Audrina is sick, as previously mentioned. I don't know if it's her makeup or what, but Lacey looks like she has a wonky eye. Anyway, the show is going to look back at what happened last night, but that's already been recapped, and this is two hours long, so let's move on.
Well, I will mention this. They reveal that, in rehearsal, when Derek tried to leap over Jennifer's head, he didn't get high enough and ran into her head. Yikes, especially with her neck issues. Also, Bristol said that winning would be "like a big middle finger to all the people that hate my mom and hate me." So... yeah. People who already like her will probably think that's awesome; people who don't will think she's a brat. Is there really anyone out there at this point who is neutral on Bristol?