Dancing With The Stars

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These Arms of Mine

Brooke goes backstage to ask some nonsense questions of Bristol and Mark. They give nonsense answers. Another humorous clip package plays where they pretend that The Situation was elected governor of New Jersey (like that couldn't happen), but then he trades it in to go back into the time machine and do another dance. This is the slowest version of "Too Sexy" of all time. It sounds like a record being played at the wrong speed. Anyway, The Situation removes his shirt and "dances" with three ladies, including Karina. Really, he just stands there while the women dance around him and then he points a lot. The End. It's gross.

Clip package of memorable dances. The Hoff was horrible. Michael Bolton was humorless and accused Bruno of being inappropriate. Audrina ate an onion. The Situation entered a time machine. Florence flashed the camera (thank God they never showed that during the season!) and did a sexy rumba. Steve-O showed up to blow an air horn while Kyle tried to rehearse. And there were some surprising eliminations, including Brandy and Maks last week. Every time they cut back to Brooke, she's got her hand on her hip, which seems a little too casual, and kind of like she's given up trying since the season is almost over.

Brandy and Maks are back to do their quickstep to the "Friends" theme. That was not even close to my favorite routine of theirs, and I'm not sure why they chose it, but Brandy did a great job with a big smile the whole time. The audience gives them a standing ovation, which is well-deserved. Interesting that they don't get interviewed, though. Brooke goes backstage to ask Jennifer how her body is holding up. She's holding up. That's the answer. Why does Brooke exist again?

Christina Aguilera is back to perform "Beautiful." Y'all, I cried the first time I saw this video. I mean, I'm over it now. But anyone who felt insecure about his or her looks at any point, or was bullied or teased, has got to feel something upon hearing this song. And I think that's just about everyone. Now I feel bad that I said Christina has put on weight. I'm sorry, girl. A passel of sign language interpreters comes out to sign along with the song for a while. That always kind of bugs me, because I feel like it's treating a legitimate language like a novelty. They also dance. Also, all of her dancers are pretty conventionally attractive, which I think kind of goes against the message of the song, although I guess it would be tough to find professional dancers who aren't conventionally attractive. Some of them have funky haircuts, so there's that.

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Dancing With The Stars

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