The bumper to commercial is another fake infomercial for those footprint things people put on the floor to learn a dance routine. It's dumb, but it's almost saved by the over-the-top acting by the cast. Who knew they could be funny?

Aaaaand, we're back. So what's the deal for the two highest-scoring couples? Brandy and Maks are safe. Jennifer and Derek are in jeopardy. Child, please. They are so not getting eliminated. If they were, the show would have been teasing the shocking elimination all day long.

Tom is in the audience to talk to a family from the Congo that likes to dance together. As you can imagine, their lives when they lived in the Congo was not great, to put it mildly. Their mom brought them all to the United States, and they're very grateful, and this is her favorite show. So her five boys will be doing a dance just for their mom, tonight, as a surprise. Oh, my God. It's adorable. Kym, Anna, Chelsie, Cheryl, and Lacey come out to dance the cha cha cha with them. The littlest one is probably about seven or eight and he's killing me. When they finish their routine, the boys all go hug their mom. Sniff. I'm SORRY! I'm a MOM NOW! Shit like this gets to me.

Two more couples are up on the block: Rick and Cheryl, and Kurt and Anna. Rick felt like he managed to improve from last week's robotic moves. And Kurt aimed to entertain people at home, since he knows he'll never be a professional manager. So are they both safe or not? Well, Kurt and Anna are. And what about Rick and Cheryl? Well, they're in jeopardy.

The fake commercial this time is one of those personal injury lawyer parodies, featuring David "The Hammer" Hasselhoff. It becomes a cavalcade of all the injuries on the show from Misty's foot to Kelly Osbourne's toe. Also, The Hoff is still scary.

Shakira is here to perform. I feel like she's been on this show at least once per season. She should be a contestant. She'd obviously be great at the Latin dances, but how about the ballroom? Everyone would call her a ringer, though. Her backup dancers are wearing harem pants, and they are just as unflattering as they were in the late '80s, sorry to say. They just look weird, like you forgot to pull your pants up all the way. I thought for a second that one of Shakira's dancers was pregnant. That would be awesome to have a lady out there with a big baby belly, just working it out. Get on that, someone.