Hey there, hi there, ho there. That's my homage to TV theme night. Do you know what song that's from? I can't believe I forgot to tell you guys during the last recap that, in high school, I was the queen of the TV theme songs. And there was a dude in my class who was the king. But we didn't go out, although in retrospect, we probably should have. No, what we did was that on long bus rides to softball/baseball games, we would have a competition where someone would yell out a TV show and one of us would have to come up with the theme song until one of us was stumped. Lucky for us, no one on the bus was all that smart, I guess, and so we never got any bullshit like Airwolf or something. It was all Cheers and Greatest American Hero. And then one time someone said Sanford and Son, and we both sat there for a few minutes. We just couldn't think of it! Sweat dripped from my brow as time ticked on. Until almost simultaneously, we looked at each other and blatted out, "Dun dun DUN NUH! Dun dun dun nuh nuh nuh now!" You see youngsters, this is what passed for entertainment before the age of the DS and smart phones. Now you kids all just text one another on the bus and what fun is that? No fun at all.

You still can't stump me with a mainstream TV theme song from the era of 1975 to 1990. What was the last show to have a classic TV theme song, since most shows barely have them anymore? Scrubs? I'm partial to The Amazing Race, and I have made up my own words to it that go, "It's the race, amazing, it's the race, amazing" and so on. I'm no Miss Alli. I am fond of the Community theme song, because it has words, and this season they've been using the longer version of it. Okay, I could clearly go on all day, so let's get to the actual show I'm supposed to be talking about (while I hum the theme song from Buffy, to which I used to play air drums every week. Miss that show.)

Let's recap the nonsense that happened last night. Kyle and Lacey did a nice dance that was not at all a foxtrot. And the producers do us all the favor of spotlighting the exact moment when Bristol forgot her steps (hint: about four bars into the song). So Bristol and Mark know they are headed for the red lights of potential elimination. Right?

Someone must have yelled at someone about last night's bullshit filler because they're getting right to the results. Kyle and Lacey are...safe! And guess what? So are Mark and Bristol! And those were the two lowest-scoring couples. I really think that people felt bad for both of those couples after the drubbing they took from the judges and they got sympathy votes. Because if Bristol can't even do one dance well, what in the hell is she going to do next week with two dances?

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