Dancing With The Stars

Episode Report Card
Kim: B+ | Grade It Now!
Golden Girl

Now someone has to do the encore dance. Wouldn't it be funny if it were one of the already safe couples? But it's not. It's Brandy and Maks. Brandy is a lot looser tonight. She should try to be more like this during the night where her dancing is judged. She looks like she's actually having fun. Also, I'm always impressed when people dance up and down the stairs. I couldn't even walk up and down those stairs without tripping.

Then there's a fake infomercial for Bruno's dance DVD, featuring backup dancing by Mark and Lacey. It's actually pretty funny. And Bruno has got an AWESOME upper body. Like, to a disturbing degree. I don't know what his abs look like, but his biceps could give The Situation a run for his money. As far as stupid bits this show has done, that wasn't horrible. Damning with faint praise, I know.

The first performance tonight is from Jason Derulo performing "In My Head". I will admit that I don't know much about this gentleman, because I am old. So now I feel like Lacey, being all ignorant of major cultural touchstones. But this dude seems like a Chris Brown ripoff. Like after Chris hit Rhianna, some producer said, "Quick! Find me someone who looks, sounds, and dances like Chris Brown but won't assault his girlfriend!" And that's where he came from. Except he can't move like Chris Brown, or at least he isn't right now. And the song is horrible. I guess I shouldn't judge based on this performance though. Even songs I like tend to sound terrible on this show for whatever reason.

Now it's time to look at some of the couples that were on the top of the leaderboard. Derek and Jennifer allegedly got in a big fight this week, but there are so many rumors swirling around those two, who knows what actually happened. Is he an asshole? Is she a diva? Does everyone hate both of them? Is she a ringer? Do I give a shit? I know that answer to that last one: no. And Brandy and Maks finally broke through with the judges, to their great relief. And after the break, we'll find out if these two couples are safe.

The bumper to commercial is another fake infomercial for those footprint things people put on the floor to learn a dance routine. It's dumb, but it's almost saved by the over-the-top acting by the cast. Who knew they could be funny?

Aaaaand, we're back. So what's the deal for the two highest-scoring couples? Brandy and Maks are safe. Jennifer and Derek are in jeopardy. Child, please. They are so not getting eliminated. If they were, the show would have been teasing the shocking elimination all day long.

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Dancing With The Stars




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