I feel like I was negligent last night because I didn't fully describe the horror that is Lacey's costume. I mean, all of the costumes were wacky because ROCK AND ROLL but Lacey's is just awful. She's got on a corset, natch, and then a peasant skirt. Except there's the top of the peasant skirt cut to about boy short length, and then a gap, and then the rest of the tiers of the skirt are hanging from garters. So it sort of looks like she's wearing a garter belt with a skirt bottom attached to it. Which is terrible, but then on Lacey, it's worse because her thighs are her problem area and that's where the gap is, so that's where you eyes go. God bless her for rocking that look, I guess, but she needs a friend in wardrobe to help her, I think. She's like that girl in college who gained ten pounds and would look great if her clothes fit, but she's in denial about the weight gain, so everything is just a LITTLE too tight, and it makes her look fatter than if she just went up a size and wore clothes that flattered. Anyway.
We're starting right out with some results. First, they're going to tell us about the bottom three from last night. Bristol and Mark were happy with their performance, which is good, because they knew it was make or break. Kurt had a good attitude even though the judges totally underscored him. Jennifer was out of control and her scores reflected it, and she and Derek were disappointed. You know, Derek looks really good in eyeliner. He would be a fine-looking woman. Anyway, it's time to find out who is safe and who is in jeopardy. Am I the only one who starts singing that Greg Kihn Band song, "Our love's in jeopardy, baby." Remember that video? With the giant snake? Oh, early MTV. You so crazy. All this time I've been reminiscing, Tom and Brooke have been babbling about the results, and guess who's safe? Kurt and Anna! YAAAAAY! Also safe are Bristol and Mark. Whoa. So who's going home? I'm perplexed. Jennifer and Derek are in jeopardy, and Jennifer does a fake swoon. I don't know if I like it when they pretend that they don't care about the results. I don't want them to care too much, but I don't want them to not care either, or what's the point. I am fickle and a harsh mistress.