It's rock and roll night! Well, let's be honest. How rock and roll can this show really be? It's got to be the cheesiest show on television. Maybe The Bachelor is cheesier, but only because of the most dramatic rose ceremony ever. This show is like when Donny Osmond does a cover version of "Magic Carpet Ride." Not all that rocking. They really went all out, though, with a rock version of the theme song and a new logo on the judges' table.
First, they are counting down the top ten dances of all time. I know that a lot of people were upset because it was a closed competition; not every dance ever done on the show was offered as an option on the vote. Anyway, the dance at number ten is Mark and Shawn's freestyle. It doesn't seem as impressive to me this time around; I don't know if the dancing is better in recent seasons, or if I was blinded by the excitement of the finale. I still think it was a really unflattering outfit for Shawn though. That moves right into number nine, Donny and Kym's tango. Really, America? I guess a lot of people really like Donny Osmond. Number eight is Helio and Julianne's quickstep, the one that's like The Mask with the yellow banana suit. I can't believe Helio won that season. But I will say this; that routine had a ton of content. He might not have been the best dancer, but if you compare how much actual dancing he did to, say, Donny's tango, he put it all out there. Number seven is Apolo and Julianne's freestyle. I really didn't love this at the time, but in retrospect, it was pretty awesome. Again, Apolo just had a ton of natural dancing ability and they did a lot of moves.
So are they just going to reveal the entire top ten before any dancing starts? I guess this is the filler for the week. Number six is Derek and Joanna's futuristic paso doble. Oh, this routine makes me laugh. It's FROM THE FUTURE! They are doing little pop-up factoids during the routines, and it makes me think that I would love a dancer's commentary on some of these routines. That could be a whole show -- relive the best dances and have the dancers talking over them, pointing things out or giving background info. I smell a network special!
Number five is another paso doble, this one from Mel B. and Maks. This might be my favorite of the top ten, even though I liked their waltz better. They certainly have gotten a lot of use out of Mel's costume for this routine; I know Melissa wore it once and I think Lacey did too. I can't believe they didn't win. This was the season that I started to like Maks; I hated him before. But I loved them together. You guys, she got beat by Helio. Booo!
Number four is yet another paso doble, this one Nicole and Derek's fifties style dance from last season. While I wasn't a huge Nicole fan as a person (it all just seemed kind of unfair), she was an amazing dancer, and this was an amazing routine. As they throw to commercial, Tom makes a crack about one of Brooke's routines being in the top three perhaps. Girl, please. There's no way. If it is, the fix is in.
The dance at number three is Apolo and Julianne's samba. I don't even remember this. It all blurs together after a while. It's funny how much more sophisticated the audiences have gotten since then. People are cheering for moves that would only get a smattering of applause these days. Ooh, the dance at number two is probably my all-time favorite: Gilles and Cheryl's Argentine tango. Although Jennifer and Derek's tango this season was close.
To the surprise of no one, the number one dance is Drew and Cheryl's "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" freestyle (no link because it's before we started covering the show). And I am glad we are seeing this again, because I never thought it was all that awesome. Prove me wrong, Lachey. Eh, after watching it, I think I'm right. It was good at the time, but times have changed. Also, it was before the show was in HD so it looks awful. I liked Drew and Cheryl, but that was not the best dance the show has ever seen.
Finally, the show actually begins. I still don't get the strategy of putting filler at the beginning of the show, but no one asked me. And I thought they were doing two dances each this week -- why do they even need filler? Oh, I guess it's one dance and then the marathon, which won't take as long. Despite being called a marathon. The couples are introduced and Rick stumbles on the stairs. I'm waiting for someone to fully bite it on the stairs. When is that going to happen?
Audrina and Tony are up first. In rehearsals, Tony works with Audrina on performing the routine instead of just going through the motions. Then, because Audrina has no personality, they have to do a dumb fake thing where they go to teach Audrina some mixed martial arts to give her intensity. And she punches a cutout of Bruno's face. Yawn. Anyway, their paso starts. I think Audrina is getting worse instead of better as the weeks go on. Her face is just completely blank and there is no intensity. Maybe it's bad to do the paso after we just saw some of the show's best paso dobles of all time, but it pales.
Len says that Audrina is getting on his nerves, because she has great dancing potential, but she doesn't get into character. Bruno expounds on that theory, and tells her how she can improve. Carrie Ann agrees with them, but she wants to emphasize how much Audrina has improved dance-wise. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8.
The next couple to dance will be Kyle and Lacey, whose foxtrot divided the judges last week. This week, they have the tango. And Kyle is practicing with his brother Chris, who comes out in a ladies' blouse. And, truth be told, he has bigger boobs than some of the female pros. Sorry, Chris. It's true. Their tango is very stompy. At least it's a true tango. And man are there a lot of pyrotechnics, which signals to me that the dance itself is weak, or they wouldn't need that stuff. I think Lacey is yelling out instructions too. She's yelling something. Overall, it was good, but it didn't give me goosebumps or anything.
The judges can't be heard over the audience screaming. Bruno loved how much work Kyle put into the dance, and his footwork is much improved. Carrie Ann thought his posture and carriage were amazing. Len talks a lot before saying that it was an improvement over last week. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8. Kyle is thrilled after being near the bottom last week.
Jennifer and Derek had bad energy last week, they agree, but this week, they've got the paso doble. Jennifer feels like she connects better with the passion of this routine, and their rehearsal footage looks promising. They're dancing to Pink, which someone else already did and I only know that because I was just looking through old weecaps for the links earlier. Ah, it was the group Paso Doble from the season with Melissa, Shawn, and Gilles. Anyway, this routine is...just okay. Jennifer seems a little out of control. Like she's TOO into it, and she's going wild and getting out of the character of the dance. And then th