Carrie Ann tells Jennifer that she needs to calm down, because she was out of control. She calls her "the chosen one" and says that things are going wrong and downhill. Derek takes some of the fault for it. Len thought Jennifer got the attack and attitude but she lost control. Bruno thought she was like a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and he imitates her, causing Len and Carrie Ann to cower in fear. Poor Len. He nearly gets bopped by Bruno every week. Backstage, they show the ending again and Derek tries to explain what happened but he's too nice to say that Jennifer totally screwed up so we don't really get any answers. And Jennifer is just scattered. What is her deal? She has lost it. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 7, and Bruno 7.
Rick and Cheryl were told they lacked romance with last week's routine. This week, Rick has the tango, and he wants Cheryl to break everything down to a minute level. Cheryl argues that doing that will take all the passion and flow out of the dance. She thinks he's overanalyzing. He wants it like a basketball play -- go here, place a pick, pivot, drive the lane. So they have the tango to "You Really Got Me," which Tom calls a Van Halen hit and Ray Davies dies a little inside. Although I guess it's the Van Halen version with heavy guitar. Rick's frame is great, but he is still a little too robotic. He's angry but not passionate. He's too in his head. I will give him credit; it's got to be hard for him not to dance down to Cheryl with the height differential, and he doesn't do it. Things improve a little in the second half. There's a little more passion there. Maybe he got comfortable and loosened up.
Len is impressed with Rick's hold and posture. Bruno would have liked a little more light and shade, but it was great. Carrie Ann thought he balanced his focus between the audience and Cheryl well, but he needs to be careful not to lose the personality in his face. Mr. Roboto. Also, why is Martha Stewart there? She should be on the show. Ooh, who would her pro be? Can you imagine her with Maks? Damn. The fireworks would fly. Two control freaks. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8.
Last week, no one understood why Bristol stayed on the show. I mean, really. She was in a gorilla costume and barely remembered the steps. How did that happen? In rehearsals, they work on their tango, and Bristol pushes for an air guitar section. Oh, dear. This is a terrible idea. So, their tango. Well, Bristol, like Audrina before her, doesn't seem to understand the difference between fierce and blank. Like she thinks "not smiling" equals "fierce," but instead, it comes across as "bored." The only time she shows any signs of life is during the air guitar segment, which is mercifully short, but seriously, if she can do that, why isn't she doing it ALL THE TIME? Her technique is improved, in that she remembers the steps and does them in the right order. And can I just go on a rant about this song, "According to You"? What kind of message is this sending? "I completely define myself by what the men in my life say about me"? The first time I heard this song, I was all excited that in the chorus, she was going to say, "According to me, I'm freaking awesome, so shove it, loser." But no. It's all about how her new boyfriend thinks she's awesome. Ugh. Gross.
Bruno thinks it was her best performance and her best technique to date. Carrie Ann calls it "ridiculously amazing" and says that her face was connected to everything. Really? Len says, "Last week a chimp, [this week] almost a champ." But he's going to drop them a point for breaking hold. Look, just because she got better doesn't mean that it was great. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8. Overscored.
Kurt and Anna got praise for their quickstep, but this week he has the paso doble. Athletes usually do well with this one, but Anna is having trouble getting Kurt to perform. Bret Michaels stops by to help Kurt with his rock and roll attitude. Why hasn't Bret been on this show? Next season, for sure. As long as his health holds up. Wait, Kurt and Anna are dancing to "The Final Countdown," like, unironically. I figured it would be a Poison song. Kurt's hands are still terrible. But man, does he have the attitude down. He plays to the crowd after he throws Anna to the floor and then he drags her over to the judges' table. Okay. That might be a little much.
Carrie Ann thought the dance was unpolished, but he committed to the character. Len thought he looked awkward. Bruno thought he had the intensity, but he looked like he was doing karate instead of dancing. I don't think the judges get Kurt. I mean, he's not perfect. He shouldn't win. But he's not as bad as they are making out. He's not worse that BRISTOL, for Pete's sake. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 6, and Bruno 6. Underscored. I don't get it. What am I missing?
Brandy and Maksim finally broke through last week. So this week, they have the tango, and Brandy wants to stay on top. In rehearsals, Maks encourages Brandy to continue, even though she's getting frustrated. Finally, she breaks down in tears, and she explains that it was her own doing, and she needed the emotional release. So did it help? Well, it is INTENSE. Brandy is WORKING IT. Maks stumbles a little bit, and it kind of loses the plot in the middle, but it's a lot of movement and a lot of choreography and she nails it (with maybe a tiny stumble).
Len tells Maks that he loved it and it was the best dance of the night. Bruno compares Brandy to Tina Turner in Mad Max. Carrie Ann thought Brandy finally found her wings, despite a few missteps. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 9, and Bruno 9.
The rock and roll marathon will involve moves from the jive, lindy hop, and swing dancing, and they can do whatever lifts they want. Just like previous seasons, if someone gets tapped on the shoulder, that couple is out. In rehearsals, both Kyle and Jennifer are worried about their stamina. And then there are the lifts. Ooh, child. Someone is going to break a neck.
Didn't we already have the show Skating With the Stars on FOX a few years ago? With Kristy Swanson? And she had an affair with her skater and broke up his marriage? Was I the only person who watched that? Yeah, I'll shut up now.
Brooke explains the marathon scoring. The longer you stay, the more points you earn. They all start, and Bristol should really not wear flats, ever. She's got a cankle problem. Because the judges hate them, Kurt and Anna are the first to leave. Um, Bristol is not dancing. She's just standing there while Mark jumps over her and then he does the worm. So Mark and Bristol are the second eliminated. Rick and Cheryl get out of sync and the judges must have noticed, because they are third eliminated.